its my birthday

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Mike: during free time, my girlfriend lets me scurry around in the backyard while she tries to shoot me with a flintlock pistol
Zoey: you're such a fucking moron do you know that

Noah: why are you like this?
Alejandro: i used too much 'no more tears' shampoo as a kid and haven't felt a single emotion since.

Izzy: love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Noah: you're literally making a valentine's day card for eva.
Izzy, pointing her hot glue gun at noah: you're on thin fucking ice.

Leshawna: so harold is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Trent: why?
Leshawna: because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to be ninjas five times in a row.
Harold, with his arms crossed: you'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

Mike: my knee just cracked so loudly that I half expect it to glow in the dark tonight.

DJ: i hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. what if I wanted to be a duck? no one ever asked me if I wanted to be a duck!

Heather: Alejandro, that's disgusting. you're only giving free stuff to beautiful people.
Leshawna: yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Alejandro: oh yeah? *gets really close to leshawna* how about a muffin, on the house?
Leshawna, giggling: i'm pretty.

Noah: y'know, eva can get really aggressive, so it's important to take all necessary precautions when you approach her.
Noah, walking up behind Eva with an air horn: GET FUCKED!

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