How Does a Daffodil Survive in Winter?

xxi | Santa isn't Real and Neither is Your Parent's Love

TW: Substance abuse with some (seriously alcoholic) eggnog...?

It was only for a dramatic effect when I said that it was the day Tyler Neal paid for what he did to Julie. All I did to the asshole was crack a few raw eggs onto his hair and punch him in the face. It did leave a lovely red colour that was already turning purple when I left. Although, it'll take more than that to knock some sense in someone like him. Pun, maybe intended. But it wasn't all useless; the stunt I pulled managed to leave the dickhead in absolute shock with a dash of terror and accompanied by what I assumed was anger.

I had left him standing there with his mouth agape and egg whites dripping down his face while I wandered around the store again. I took back the wine he confiscated. Then, when I was just about to leave, I saw this basket filled with homemade eggnog in the front of the store. There was this sign on there that had the price and it also said that you had to take it to the cashier so they can check your ID to make sure you're of age. The cashier was in a state of shock so he was pretty much useless. I took a bottle of the eggnog and placed it in my bag. I wasn't stealing it or anything. I went back and paid for the wine and eggnog. Tyler was still standing there with the raw eggs still dripping down his hair. I was definitely not welcomed back to this place.

Only when I had already exited the store did I hear a string of curse words break the trance he was in. It was such a fulfilling way to start the day; there's really nothing quite like the satisfactory feeling of getting revenge. Usually I'm not the most spontaneous person but that act of spontaneity really paid off. On the way home, I felt better than when I left. For that short period of time, it seemed as though my troubles vanished. Of course, I knew better than to believe everything was okay just because I punched a guy in the face.

And I was correct. My truck load of problems came back as soon as the high that I was in was over. An empty house with an interior that hadn't seen light nor warmth in a long time. The coldness of the rooms inside matched my feelings perfectly. Instead of opening some curtains like a normal person, I flicked on the lights with my elbow since both my hands were carrying the groceries. I placed the two bags messily packed to the brim, courtesy of one Tyler Neal, on the kitchen benchtop and began to unpack its contents. I was surprised to have left the store with my purchases intact. Maybe they really didn't get enough customers.

Normally I would be satisfied with everything I did but, as I sat on the old wooden floors of the treehouse with a chocolate bar I had found in hand, I realised that nothing felt as good as it had before.

All day I stayed glued to the floor of the tree house despite the temperature being well into the negatives. At first I was drawing in my sketchbook but eventually my hand became too cold to continue. So, for the most part I had my legs close to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them. I didn't feel the need to do anything else but sit there and drown in my misery. Occasionally, I would lift up the loose plank of wood and retrieve something to eat but even that became less frequent.

I would replay everything from the beginning when I had first gotten the idea of revenge, to what I had come to call 'my downfall'. I tried to recall everything, including what exact event tipped me over the edge. I had always hated Lacie and she's always hated me so, at what point did things explode? That brought me back to the day Theo and Benny had stood on top of a table in the cafeteria and demanded people to only eat carrots and toast. Back then, I was just another bystander in the crowd, oblivious to the fact that was one of the last moments when he was nothing but a stranger.

Thinking about Theo reminded me of the mess I had made, and how selfish I was. Fortunately, his feelings will vanish after a while once I'm no longer in his life and he'll see me the way everyone else does. Then he'll continue being the golden boy, with the past and me long gone. He said he wouldn't let me push him away and a part of me wanted him to stop me. That was the selfish part of me that wanted to hold on because he was the only one I had left.