How Does a Daffodil Survive in Winter?

xxiii | Cry a River, Build a Bridge, and Get Over it

I pushed a button on the side and watched as the screen lit up. Instantly, unwanted notifications flooded the old phone, causing it to lag. Scientists and stuff were right when they said kids these days have an attention span shorter than a goldfish, because I couldn't even be bothered waiting for it to load. I threw the old hunk of metal onto my bed and belly-flopped down next to it. I wasn't in a particular hurry to check whatever messages had been sent to my phone during the holiday.

If I had it my way, I would still be going around phone-less. But when my aunt found out that I had, stupidly as she put it, broken my phone, she gave me her old one to use. Maybe she was right to do so; I had to go back to school the next day and it was time I faced it all. Also it was a new year and everyone seemed to be superstitious that you had to start fresh every time the calendar changed numbers. But, maybe a fresh start was needed.

I rolled on to my side and grabbed the useless piece of technology that was unfortunately having a whole seizure next to me. Upon opening it, I was met with a message from Julie.

hey,

heard what you did to he-who-shall-not-be-named. I really appreciate it. Tried to tell you in person but couldn't find you.

Just as I finished reading the message, another one finished loading.

I've been so caught up with, you know, everything... and I'm so sorry I didn't try contacting you. I'm so sorry for what I said as well. I didn't mean any of it I swear. I don't know if you saw my last message or if you're okay after all the shit that happened with Lacie.

Please reply so I know you're okay.

And finally my eyes landed on the last message. By then, tears were flowing freely from my face and clouding my vision. I really ought to stop crying but it just won't stop after it started.

Seriously Marnie, you better be on holiday or something. I swear to god if something bad happened...

My fingers hovered over the phone — still crying — and debated whether or not I should reply. I sat there on my bed for god knows how long, crying with a glitchy phone in hand because I just felt too guilty. I cried even more when I read Julie's apology. She didn't need to say sorry, it was me who needed to apologise.

I need to apologise. Determined, I pressed 'dial' and brought the phone to my ear. I need to make things right. Not for me but for everyone I hurt.

She picked up on the first ring. "Marnie?"

"Hi" I croaked.

"Holy crap it is you!" Julie exclaimed. "You're alive!"

"Yeah, look, are you okay?" I asked. I had to do what I didn't do the first time.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, are you okay after everything that happened with that horrible guy who you obviously don't want me to name?"

"Oh," Julie answered. The unsureness in her voice frightened me. "Yeah, it was tough for a while. I was really mad at you for disappearing. But then one day, amidst me lying on the floor while blasting Lana Del Rey songs on repeat, I get a lovely text from the asshole himself about you confronting him. That made me less angry at you because I knew you were helping me, just in your angry weird way. After that I finally got the courage to confront him and then I blocked him. Probably should've done that after he replied but still. I did what I needed to do."

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled. My heart sank further as Julie told her story, knowing that all of this happened to me. I had spent the past few days thinking. I was always thinking about how I was ever supposed to make things right again with the people I've hurt. Maybe, I didn't deserve to have things right again after all that I've done. But that didn't mean Julie didn't deserve an apology.