Changing Seasons

Fifty

****

Rocco's party had gone well and he'd had a blast. It was heartwarming to see so many people present to celebrate Rocco's big day.

The little boy had passed out in the backseat of Atira's Subaru by the time they'd returned to the apartment to grab Jacques. His day had been filled with too much excitement.

They'd barely passed Longview when Atira glanced back in the rearview mirror to ensure Rocco was still sleeping before saying to Krist, "Are holding up alright after what happened?"

He looked over at her, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I mean, you had something super traumatic happen to you. I think that would affect anyone."

Kristi picked a strand of hair off his Dickie's work shirt, "Obviously it's gonna affect me somewhat but it ain't taking my life over or anything," he replied with a shortness Atira hadn't ever seen.

"I hope that you know if you ever need to talk about what happened or anything, I am always here for you."

"I know, baby." Krist's gaze returned to his window.

"I hope you don't feel like I am being a nag or pushy," she told him, feeling guilty for bringing it up, "I'm just worried about you, everyone is."

Krist was becoming irritated. "They got no reason to be, I am fine."

"You don't worry about relapsing?"

"No." Krist folded his arms and slumped down. "Is my mom putting this shit in your head?" His voice was harsh.

"I...well, she and Cami both were asking me things about how you're acting."

He clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth. "They need to mind their own business. Both of them. If they have concerns they can bring it the fuck up to me, not talk about me behind my back."

"I'm sorry, Krist, I wasn't trying to upset you."

"Ain't your fault they got nothing better to do than run their mouths."

They drove in silence, Atira feeling guilty for upsetting Krist but she had a few things weighing on her mind. "Krist, you never told me that Nina had gotten pregnant."

Krist's jaw tightened, he couldn't believe that Marisol had even brought it up. "I don't like talking about it," he admitted, turning his gaze to the window.

"Marisol said she had lost the baby."

Krist nodded, "At twenty weeks. Probably before that but we didn't know until then."

"Was the baby something you had planned with her?"

"No, she got pregnant right away. We were stupid and didn't use anything," Krist snickered. "Good thing you were smart about shit because I'd definitely have gotten you pregnant back then too. I was a fucking dumb ass."

Atira could feel the tension filling the car and wasn't trying to make things worse. She wasn't upset with Krist any worse than she already had but was curious about what Marisol had told her.

"Krist, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

He shrugged his shoulders, "I told you Marisol is a gossip."

"Do you ever wonder what your baby would have been like? I know every so often when I think about when I'd gotten pregnant, I wonder how things would have turned out," she confided in him.

Krist stared out the window, thinking. "Sometimes. I know he'd have been about eight now. I think that I would have been a shit father to him back then. I was an immature, selfish addict who didn't want the responsibility of a kid. He probably would have hated me the same way I hated my dad."