One Shots SJ & EO x daugther

39 - Its okay part 2 - SJ

Lea is 18 | Scarlettxdaughter

REQUESTED BY: Jaquelynn13 , marvelfav05 , EmSnape
1246 Words :)

TW: Talks about suicide, relapse: blade, blood > self-harm (sorry)

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Lea POV

It's been a year since I woke up in the hospital. 

It's been a year since I hurt my mom, stepdad, and siblings. 

it's been a year since I gave up.

But I got a second chance, and I'm failing again. I mean, sure I'm going to therapy and I'm really trying but lately I feel like I'm back at square one. 

Mom and I decided that it wasn't a good idea for me the go to college, so we've postponed that. I was working in the cute little cafe but I got fired today. They didn't even give me a good reason. 

I mean, I knew I wasn't worth it or good at it but still. It hurts a lot. At least give me a good reason.  I feel like everything I worked so hard for to go away is back now. 

I mean, look at me. I'm sitting on the edge of my bath with a new blade in my hand. It's already pressed against my skin. The only thing I have to do is draw it across it.

I'm seven months clean. I should be better. I shouldn't want to do it. 

I deserve it.

I deserve the pain, the scar, the weird looks from people when they see my arms. 

I press the blade a little harder against my skin. I feel the sharpest point of the blade slit open my skin. At this point, I lose all reality, all doubt. I hold it a little better and draw a horizontal line.

One. Move the blade

Two. Move the blade again

Three move the blade

Four, How about a diagonal cut?

Five Let's make the next one a little bigger

Six I can do a deeper

Seven deeper and wider equals more pain

Eight I deserve this

Nine Just one more

Ten. Let's move on to my other arm

...

...

..

..

.

.

''Lea?'' The voice of my mom makes me stop. I look at my arms and see all the damage I've done. Tears well in my eyes as I turn my head to meet my mother's eyes. She looks at me with a soft, loved expression. 

''Can you give me the blade, please?'' She asks and I nod but don't move any further. She takes the hint and walks to me, getting the blade out of my hand. It was still tightly pressed against my skin but she managed to not hurt me. That's a skill I would like to have.

''Mama'' I choke out but don't get out anymore than that. Just sobs, tears, and a little snot. 

''It's okay, sweetie. Can I clean your cuts?'' She asks and I nod again. She moves to get the first aid kid and sits on her knees before me. She moves to my left arm first. She gently cleaned all the cuts put a bandage around my arm and then moved on to the other arm where she did the same. She also cleans my hands and then pulls me to stand up. She engulfed me in a hug that I melted into. 

''Let's get you into some clean clothes. Do you wanna lay in bed or on the couch? No one else is home right now. Colin will be home in a few hours but the little ones are both at sleepovers.'' She informs me. 

''I don't care, just wherever you are,'' I say. She nods at me and leads me into my room where she hands me some new joggers before walking out. I change and when I'm done she walks back in with a t-shirt of hers. She tosses it to me and I change into it. 

''Are there more blades hidden, baby?'' she asks and I shake my head. This was the first one. She smiles at me and holds out her hand for me to take. We walk downstairs, so couch it is. We walk into the living room and I see two cups of tea and some snacks. That's why she came upstairs. She wanted me to come down.

Mom sits down on the couch and pulls me down next to her. I get comfy and snuggle into her. She doesn't talk but waits for me to start. I'm just thinking of what to tell her. We slowly drink our tea in silence and eat some of the healthy snacks she laid out. One of her hands continues to brush over my back, while she uses the other one to eat. Every now and again she kisses the top of my head. I take a few deep breaths before speaking. 

''I'm sorry ma-''

''Nope, no sorry's. You know it loves. Healing doesn't mean no setbacks remember.'' she interrupts me.

''I got fired today'' I say softly

''Oh, that sucks. Do you know why?'' She asks and I hear no judgment in her voice. 

''Nope, they just said they hired too many people so someone had to go. Nothing else''

''WHAT? I'm going to give them a call. That's not okay.'' Mom says and I giggle a little.

''Calm down, I know your one protective mama but it's okay.''

''Honey, it's not okay. Image someone hires me and then is like; 'we have too many actors, Scarlett you're fired', that doesn't make sense'' She says and I laugh

''Of course that doesn't make sense, it's you. Who the fuck would do that... All your fans will boycott that movie.''I say and she laughs. 

''True'' She says. ''Why did you cut?''

''Because I felt like a failure. I didn't want to do it but once I pressed the blade to my skin and the point of the blade went in I lost all self-control'' I tell her honestly

''I'm so sorry honey. Can I ask something stupid though?'' Mom says and I frown a little before nodding.  ''Why didn't you come to me? It's stupid because I know that's not how your head works at those moments but I do want to ask. Was it something I did or did it slip your mind?'' She says.

''I didn't think of it. I was so lost in my head. I couldn't think clearly. It was nothing you did mama, never.''

''Okay, how about from now on we always greet each other face to face. No more yelling 'i'm home' and than going up to your room. That way maybe you think of it or I can see that something is up. How does that sound?''

''Sounds good, I will try.''

''Mhh, I know you will. Now any dinner cravings?''

''Thai?''

''I should've known. I'll call Colin while making us some more tea, okay?''

''That's okay. Thank you.''

''You're welcome my sweet girl. I love you''

''I love you too, mama.''

''Remember, healing isn't linear love. This is just a small setback, it doesn't mean you're at square one. You will just continue to fight like you have been because I know you can do it. A small setback does not make Johansons give up, understand?'' She says and I smile and nod at her. It's just a setback, I can get back up again.

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Published: October 29th, 2023

Rewrite: October 26th, 2024

What fictional Scarlett said loves: Healing isn't linear! IT's a process. IT takes time. A small setback doesn't determine your future, it's part of the process! 

I love you all! & my messages are always open for you <3