Always been u

Everything is gone

(Chris)
Everything felt so good just a couple weeks ago. But now she have been ignoring me for so long. Every time I try to get eye contact with her she acts like I'm not there. And she refuse to talk to me when there is people around. And when there's no one around she just answer short and walks away. I've been trying to ask her to hangout and things like that. But she have just been answering things like "I can't" or "not today". Or in the start she said things like that. Lately she just says no if she even answer. She don't even look at me. It hurts and I don't think she understand. And I don't understand why she's doing this. I haven't done anything. I know I'm supposed to try to understand her. And I know that she have been through bad things she don't want to talk about with someone she does not want to talk about. But this. I don't understand. I have been having it so hard these past weeks. Im sad and angry. Just because I'm so in love with her. Tears are streaming down my face when looking at her Instagram. She's so fucking beautiful. Why is she doing this? Giving me the silent treatment or something, but for what? I haven't done anything. I just need her here. I want her here so she can hug me. Her comfort is what I need. Someone knocks on my door. In a second I get the hope. What if it's Nia and she want to apologise and explain. But it's obviously not Nia. It's mom.

-What's wrong honey?, she asks me and comes to hug me.

I just break down even more when she do that. She hugs me and try's to comfort me as good as just a mom can. I cry so much I don't even get air.

-It's okay. Breathe, mom say with her calm voice.

After a while I'm a little calmer. Mom is stroking my back.

-What's wrong baby?, she asks again.

-It's Nia, I say and the tears are coming directly when a say her name.

-What up with her?; she asks.

-She does not want to talk to me. I don't know what's wrong. I haven't done anything, I cry.

-Oh my little boy I'm sure u haven't done anything wrong. Maybe something have happened in her life? I'm sure she doesn't mean to ignore u, mom says.

-I've been dumb thinking she will like me like I like her. She does not like people. I've just been having hope for nothing. I really thought it would be me and her, I cry.

-I know she likes u baby, mom says.

-No I don't. She doesn't. U don't understand, I say.

-I know I sat with her a whole morning. And she didn't speak about anything else but you. Chris Chris Chris. She likes u, mom says.

-Really?, I say.

-Yes. Talk with her. I'm sure u two will figure it out. That girl is lovely. Maybe she's just having it hard right now, mom say.

I nod.

-Sleep now baby. Your so tired, she says and kiss me on my forehead.

(Nia)
I really wish I didn't have to do this but it's what I have to do. I haven't spoken with Chris in weeks. I refuse to look at him. It's hard but it will be worth it in the end. I'm alone in the corridor because I'm a little late. I hear steps coming to me when I'm walking to my lesson. I look up and obviously it's Chris.

-Please can we just talk Nia, he says.

I shake my head and try's to walk around him but every time I go to the side he also does. I try to push trough him but that result in him pushing me into the wall. He stands close to me and puts two fingers under my head to make me look at him.

-Why are u doing this Nia?, he says and I can hear his voice break.

-I don't want to talk to you Chris. Can u just understand that and let me live my life without you, I say.

Every word hurts to say. I don't mean it. Not at all.

-No I can't understand that. So this thing we had was nothing to u? I told you I liked you. And u just played the whole time or whatever?, he asks and tears appears in his eyes.

That seen make my eyes watery too. I am making him sad. I don't want that. But I have to.

-Yes. I've been telling u I don't like you. Maybe you will give up now? Now when you really understand that love isn't getting into my life?, I say.

-But you said that I felt safe with me. You said you felt safe with me. You acted like u actually wanted to be with me. You held my hand you kissed me and everything, he says and he's crying now.

-It's all an act, I say smiling to his face.

No it's wasn't. This is an act.

-I've been there for you this whole time. Whenever you've wanted to, he says.

-I don't need anyone to be here for me. I'm okay with myself. Get the hell out of my life Chris!, I scream.

-U don't mean that. We all need someone. Please, he cry's.

-I mean it. I hate u, I say and walk away from him.

I hear him crying behind me and I hear that someone runs up to him. My tears are falling down my cheeks. I stop and look behind me. He's friends is hugging him.

-It'll be okay, the friends says.

I walk behind the corner and try to catch my breath. I sit down and lay my head on my legs. What did I just do. Did I just ruin everything. I ruined it for me and for him. I ruined us. I am crying harder then I've ever have cried before.

Everything is gone.