Johnnyboy oneshots

Be Nice To Yourself

TW: self-harm/ abuse
Johnny- 16
Pony- 15
Pony's POV:
Today while I was doing my homework in the kitchen Johnny stumbled into my house. Maybe it's crazy? Maybe you don't care? But we're dating and I've never heard about two boys dating before, so we keep things pretty quiet.

"What's wrong?" I got up and helped him to the couch. I don't even know why I asked? It's just a sad reminder of what his life is like.

"Dad's hittin' on me again. I don't know what all he knows but he says that if his son is really a fag he'll beat me twice as hard next time."

How could his dad possibly know? It's not like we could actually talk about each other around other people.

"I'm sorry about that Johnny. I don't like seeing him hit ya." I shrug.

"I don't know?... What if I deserve it? Ya'know because I'm gay." His voice got quiet when he said that, like the police was gonna show up right then and there to kill him.

"How could a person deserve for their own parents to beat them silly?" I hope I'm not coming off as angry, but sometimes Johnny's self-esteem makes me angry. I wish he could see himself like how the gang does.

"Is bad that, sometimes when I'm alone... I. beat myself silly?"

What? What does that even mean? He hits himself? Why? How could a person do such a thing? To themselves...

"You hit yourself?" My voice is so quiet that at this point we're both whispering.

The tears in his big brown eyes let themselves out, "I mean, yeah. It doesn't mean anything anyway, it's not like anyone cares. Or like my parents would be upset about it. They would probably love to know that some stupid kid like me hurts himself."

"I care. I don't want you to hurt yourself no matter how much joy your parents get. I hate to know that someone as special as you is hurting himself." Not to be a dick or anything but I feel a little upset by the fact he thought that even I wouldn't care.

"I don't know Pony." He sighs the same way old people do. The kind of old people that are almost too old to keep going. "I'm getting tired of doing this."

"This? What's this?"

"Life, Pony, Life. I tired of just getting abused, struggling to live, being lonely, abusing myself, repeat. When is it gonna stop?" He looks to me for the answer I don't have.

"Well... we can start by you stopping your self-abuse? And I can make sure you're not lonely. Why do you self-harm?"

"I feel like I deserve it. I'm a walking disappointment, I deserve all things bad."

My heart drops to floor. I deserve all things bad.

His words linger in my brain until it hurts. I don't even know what to say?

"Johnny. Sometimes even if you do deserve all things bad you just can't tell yourself that, man. At least one in a while you have to let yourself do something for Johnny. Something good. If the rest of us deserve good things at least a little then why don't you? Because you're gay, huh? Because you're a 'disappointment' to your damn parents? That's not an excuse."

He just sits here and cries before he speaks, "what do I do then?"

I take his face in my hands, "let's do this for Johnny."

I smash our lips together and take him in. He's soft and sweet. I wish he could be sweet to himself.

He lets out happy sighs as we kiss. I slowly take off his jacket and his shirt, letting myself enjoy his beauty. He blushes in embarrassment and covers himself a little.

I rub his arms, "you're stunning, baby." I kiss on his neck and go down to his chest. I get all the attention to his belt before I go back to his lips.

He giggled in joy.

"See? It feels nice to be kind to yourself." I hug him.

He lets himself relax in my arms and I cuddle him into my chest.

"Thank you." I sighs.

"Not me. You can thank yourself."