I Don't Need Love

Part 37 : Secrets

"Because I thought you are someone you are actually not. " She said with a small smile on her face.

Rayaan frowned at her, puzzled by her cryptic statement. He didn't know what was that supposed to mean. He waited for her to explain and she didn't waste a minute more explaining it to him, "I was always trying to be a good daughter for my mom. Since she was already struggling with so many things, I didn't want to add to her troubles. The day I came out of my protective bubble, the day I witnessed my father hitting my mother, I grew up. I grew up in an instant.

All I wanted to do was make my mother happy. So, I became the 'goody two shoes' girl. I excelled in my studies, learned everything she wanted to teach me, became less of a talker, and adopted a well-behaved, no-nonsense attitude.

People around me thought I did it for appreciation. But I did all of it for my mother. I never gave her any chance to complain from my side.

Always tried to make her proud. Well, she is. I hope she is.

Though my mom was herself in such a toxic marriage her faith in marriages didn't waiver, She used to tell me that she would find a mature, caring guy for me, someone who would always look after me.

I asked her many times why she wanted to marry me off when marriages are emotionally draining and abusive.

She would say 'not all marriages'. She said the support of that one person who is always there for us is a blessing. 'Besides I have some duty towards you. Who will take care of you when I won't be here? '

But still, my faith in marriage could not be woven again and when I met a few boys in college it only shattered. How would they often describe their future wives, or talk nonsense about their girlfriends.

I didn't want to marry.

But I knew my mother wanted to marry me when I got financially stable.

But her decision was rushed when her husband bought home a possible match for me from one of his friends.

My mom was completely scared she didn't want my life to turn like hers as she said.

So she started her search for a prospective groom the day after I got the placement notice.

I had seen what love had done to her. She was so hopeful, so in love with her husband. But he broke her trust in the worst possible way. My mother always tried to hide it from me but he also had an extramarital affair with his so-called childhood friend.

I was afraid of heartbreaks, afraid of love. I believed my husband would show care for me only in the initial months or right before marriage. Once he would have his physical pleasure through me, he would turn into someone like my father, like the men I had seen around me. I was trying to protect myself from the agony of love.

So I was trying g to save myself from this hurt. I wanted someone who didn't care about me, someone who was too arrogant to even look at me properly. Someone who wouldn't meddle with my life.

I didn't want to keep any expectations from marriage and my husband all I wanted was for my mother to breathe in relief.

And you turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. I was angry at you for mocking me but then I realized I was exactly searching for you. Also, my mother liked you very much so I had to marry you"

She looked at Rayaan who was gazing at her with a small smile. She held his face between her palms, "I am sorry I didn't think about your expectations. I never asked you what you wanted. I just assumed things that I shouldn't have. I am so sorry " Her eyes dropped with sadness, she sounded guilty of her past actions.

"Meera, " He whispered pecking her forehead.

"I admire your strength."I admire your strength. I'm sorry you had such a traumatic childhood. I totally understand where you're coming from and I am not really upset with you I can only imagine what you went through for years, and I'm really proud of you and your mother. I really wish I could do anything. Please tell me whenever I can be of some use for you.

And I am glad you found me arrogant enough to marry me because if not for you I don't know what I would be doing right now. Probably trying to get rid of some matches.

Meera, you are the sweetest thing that ever happened to me.

I have never experienced all of this before, with you I am experiencing it for the first time and it feels so beautiful. It's so beautiful to be with you. "

He gently pecked her teary eyes one after the other.

"You are so brave and so mesmerising. I wish I could have even half of the courage you have" He kissed her palms.

Drawing her closer, he caressed her face and neck as she lay on his chest, " If not for Mom I wouldn't ever got you." He mumbled like a child making her chuckle.

"Hmm. You can only laugh. You don't know how risky it was to not get married to you. I was so stupid trying to not marry you." He mumbled again burying his face in her neck.

"But Meera, what if your plan had backfired? " He looked at her detaching himself from her with a jerk.

Meera frowned at his question,"What if you had met someone who seemed arrogant and was genuinely evil? Someone who could have destroyed your life? You risked your entire life for your mother's happiness, but what if you had been trapped for real? You would have not only endangered yourself but also hurt your mother" He said with a serious face.

Meera's face went pale listening to him. She never thought of this. She looked at him terrified. Yes! It was also a possibility.

"You should have talked to your mother. I am pretty sure, She would have better ideas. Don't ever try something stupid thereon. Promise me that you won't try to solve everything on your own and will talk it out with me. Promise me that you will let me help you whenever you need me. " He cupped her face asking for a promise.

She nodded still stunned with the possibility. She hugged him tighter trying to hide away from the thoughts of all the possible harm she could have gotten because of her stupid plan.

Rayaan sensed her uneasiness, He knew she was petrified. Pulling her even closer, he caressed her back. He tried changing her mood,

"My brave liliput" He muttered for her to hear and chuckled hearing her muffled whine.