~jegulus oneshots~

A bloody arm

Very triggering chapter – (vent story)

I sit on my bed feeling the cold blood dripping form my arms chest and thighs "I just want it to stop" I whispers to myself grabbing hold of my thighs "please I just want everything to STOP" angry tears fall from my eyes I've been crying for so long I can't even remember why at this point I hate my mind I hate my body I don't wanna think. I wanna get High or drunk I just want to forget about everything about my life about me. James haven't responded to me in days I see him talking to Sirius and Remus like everything is ok, I don't know what I've done to deserve this. It's like we not even dating anymore we are literally two friends that make out once a month, I want something better I want to leave run away form everyone and everything. The thoughts have been coming back stronger even I know there getting out of control but I don't want them to stop. I don't want to get used to them not being there because I know they will go for a bit then come back y out can't beat mental health, mental health beats you. I look in the mirror from my bed watching me as black eyeliner runs down my face I hate me.

I get up quickly running into the mirror smashing it over and over again glass fly everywhere but I don't stop I scream and cry until my throat hurts I drop to the floor rocking hugging my self praying that I will just die praying that I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to be scared to eat thinking everyone thinks I'm fat, I look down at my body a cry falls form my mouth I hug myself holding onto my skin pulling on it ever so slightly as more sobs come out of my mouth.

I'm so tired of pretending that I'm ok that not whenever I zone out because I'm thinking about my past about everything I went though and no one understands it trauma doesn't go away trauma doesn't always make you stronger I feel broken I feel like I've hit rock bottom nothing makes me laugh anymore nothing makes me smile contact makes me want to rip my skin off. Life isn't fair I want to be able to be happy again but I don't think that's gonna happen for a long time.

I feel my heart beating fast as I hear a door open I scrambled to my bed hiding my head into jt blanket silent tears fall form my eyes "regulus- whole Merlin!" I hear Sirius yell form behind me I stay still pretending to be asleep, "regulus wake up!?" He runs over and starts to shake me violently I turn around looking at him slowly "why is your room such a mess glass everywhere what happened!!" Sirius yells I sit up slowly trying to think of an excuse as James and Remus starts cleaning up "spell gone wrong.." Sirius sighs "have you been crying Reggie?" I shake my head "no my eyes are just watering" he nods slowly turning around and start helping the rest tired up I sit there watching them "you gonna help or just sit there" James says looking at me "I didn't ask for your help." James rolls his eyes "help then" James says throwing a bin bag at me. I sit there for a while shock fills me.
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Make sure you drink/eat something!!!

Have a good night/day/morning/afternoon

Toby/rowan