~jegulus oneshots~

where the addiction starts..

Pov regulus

Tw - description of sh. Please look after you're self when reading this chapter, I know it can be really triggering for some people, It was defiantly difficult to write it lots of tears but seriously this isn't a thing to joke about, and this is in no way sexualising it at all. It's a very triggering subject for me and most people. I do it to spread awareness and kind of a coping mechanism for me.

We lay in my bed holding each other close I tuck my head into James neck, he plays with my hair I hum in response he laughs "you know you're more like sirius then you think" I look at him slowly "what's that meant to mean" he smiles moving the hair away from my face "I just mean sirius does that when someone plays with his hair" I nod slowly "I didn't know that."

He gets up lighting a cigarette sitting near the window blowing the smoke out the window "did I say something wrong..." James ask looking over to me "I just miss him..." I say, he puts the cigarette out in the overflowing ask tray "do you even like smoking?" I ask "no I hate it" he laughs I tilt my head to the side he make his way back on the bed I resting on his knee "it's better doing that then other things" I look at him confused "when I was younger I used to pitch and scratch my skin when I was stressed or upset, I did it so much I would peel the skin and it would bleed. When I feel like doing it, I smoke its better then self-harming maybe not the best thing but its better" I nod slowly "is self-harm bad" I ask making patterns on his knee "it's not the best copying mechanising, and it's not something you put into conversation lightly" I nod again "what counts as self-harm" I ask looking at him "why.." I lay back down next to him "ive never heard about this before" James plays with my hair "just anything you do to yourself on purpose to cause warm" I nod melting into him as he plays with my hair.

He kisses my head I pull his head down kissing his lips slowly I get up slowly not letting my lips leave his I sit on his lap keep kissing him he moves down to my neck as I tilt my head back I rap one arm around his neck "do you wanna carry on going or stay like this for a bit" he says looking at him I kiss him slowly "we can go further" I say he smiles nodding taking his top off I take mine off kissing him more "can I keep my binder on" I ask in between kissing him "whatever makes you most comfortable sweetie" my heart flutters sweetie I smile brightly kissing him more he lays me down on the bed getting on top of me kissing down my body taking my joggers off sliding his hand into my boxers I moan grabbing James arm "James!!" he gets off quickly as I pull blanket up seeing sirius "REGULUS! WHAT THE FUCK!" James pulls his top back on "sirius let me explain" James says looking back and forward from me and sirius "YOU AND MY BROTHER! YOUR GAY- MY BOTHER" sirius continues to yell tears well up in my eyes "- YOURE FUCKING MY BROTHER ARE YOU SERIOUS" "we not just hooking up we dating Reggie tell him" I try to speak but my voice won't work "I can't fucking believe you James" sirius grabs his coat and walks away slamming the door shut.

James looks at me tears fall down my face "you could have helped!" I look at him "I'm s-sorry I didn't-" "oh know you talk" tears continue to fall down my face as James lights a cigarette throwing his lighter on the bed I whip my face looking at him "do you want to hurt yourself.." he looks at me slowly "YES REGGIE I DO BEAUSE IM STRESSED AND UPSET BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOURE STUPID YOU MAY BE SMART WITH BOOKS AND SHIT BUT YOUR HORRIBLE WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN JUST GO UP TO SOMONE AND SAY DO YOU WANT TO HURT YOURESELF" I cry even more covering my ears "I'm gonna go take a walk to calm down, sorry I yelled I'm just frustrated I know that's not an excuse ill see you in a couple minutes" James gets up and walks away shutting the door lightly.

I break down crying until I cant breath coking on my tears I try and calm my breathing but for no use I can't stop I hug my self rocking back and forward when I feel something on my leg crying I look up seeing James's lighter I shakily grab it sliding from the bed to the floor after a couple try's I manage to get a light I watch it while still heavily sobbing I pull my joggers down bringing it slowly to my thigh I wince pulling it away taking deep breaths more tears fall down my face I bring it back to my thigh for 2 seconds pulling it back away seeing a light red mark I keep doing holding it there a couple seconds more every time until I'm up to a minute. I'm not crying anymore... or struggling to breath I just feel numb... apart from the throbbing pain on my thigh. I understand why people do it I pull my joggers back up putting the lighting in my pocket I sit on James bed not knowing what to do..

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Make sure you drink/eat something!!!

Have a good night/day/morning/afternoon

Toby/rowan