Falling [ 𝓚.𝓥 ]

"𝐑𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬"

I refused to admit it, but my heart was racing. My father's lifestyle was something I never wanted to get involved in. I would do what I had to do and I understood why he did it, but I would never willingly do it. The idea of being with a man again scared me, growing up I had only been with one man much older than me, and it scared me. I never understood what was and wasn't healthy- I let Antonio beat me, assault me, touch me and cause me so much pain, but he always told me he loved me. I remember being 16, begging mother for help and advice but she ignored me and told me to figure it out on my own, I never had that guidance. Mother never asked for forgiveness but in my mind, I forgave her anyways because I knew she was struggling with depression. I would have still been with Antonio if it wasn't for the fact he knew I had to leave because of my marriage. Other than that, he would have never let me leave him. It stung me a lot, the fact that Antonio would tell me he's proud of me when no one else would. I was 15 and Antonio was 42. It scared me, the possibility of my yet to be husband being exactly like Antonio. I didn't want to be hurt, I didn't want to be touched when I didn't want it. It made me feel guilty realising that
I liked Antonio for being older, I thought he was more mature than boys my age. I was deep in my thoughts until I heard another knock on my door, this time it was mother. A tall, slender woman with brown hair like my own tied back into a bun, her body wrapped in a royal blue dress while her body was drenched in real diamonds and sapphire. She walked in, clearly disapproving of the decoration of my room, but she sat down on my bed.
"You're getting married", my mother whispered more to herself than me.
"A dress has been picked for you already, by the Spanish" my mother informed. She reached her hand out for mine, and sat me down next to her.
"Do you understand what has to be done on the wedding night?" My mother slightly smiled, but heat rose to my cheeks and I threw a pillow at her.
"Mother!" I yelled, embarrassed.
"A yes would have been just as efficient!" My mother joked. It was clear to me my mother was only joking around with me because she wouldn't have many other chances to do so. My mother placed her hand on my own, feeling the slight shiver when her cold rings met my warm hand.
"I want to give you something, something your father's mother gave me". My mother reached for a box I didn't even notice her bring, and slowly opened it, revealing a necklace. This necklace, was made up of pure diamonds and real rubies, anyone could tell. The diamonds were cut into tear drop shapes to make up the chain, while the rubies were emerald cut and stood out beautifully.
"I believe you suit rubies better than me, sapphires are more my taste" my mother smiled. I brushed my hand over the diamonds, feeling my fingertips go cold as I touch each ruby.
"You would look divine in the wedding dress with Russian Red lips, this beauty of a necklace and a lovely tiara" my mother was genuinely smiling. It was in this moment when I realised my mother was just a girl too, she's still living for the first time and little things such as the wedding night and jewlerry excited her too.
"Would you stay in Madrid?" My mother suddenly blurted out.
"I understand if not, but since your brothers moved to Barcelona, Argentina, England and Finn in bloody Finland, it has been getting lonely" she continued. My heart sank a little, and I cupped my mother's hand into my own. My stern mother, Jasmine Astor, who was fussy over what shade of red was fit for the drawing room, was also just human.
"It's not up to me, mother" I replied.
My mother nodded in understanding, and stood up before patting down her gown.
"Dress nicely, Alexander is coming to speak to you before your brothers and the Spanish arrive".
And like that, she left the room.