Second Chances

Part 11

Hira stood frozen at the low table when Kiyoi screamed. Now what? Hadn't he apologized and left? Slowly he shut his laptop, not bothering to close the browser window and sighed. 

What did he do wrong now? He got up and shuffled to the door and stopped, wondering if he should knock before entering. He decided against it. This was his home and Kiyoi was still sick, or he would have left.

He opened the door and gasped. He heard his blood thudding in his ears. He dropped to his knees, and began to rock, feeling his world exploding. "W..w..w...w..wh...a..." 

He hadn't been able to NOT finish a word since he was five. Instead, he just knelt there, clutching his chest and rocked. Kiyoi stared at him. 

Now, this was a side of Hira he had never seen before. Kiyoi wasn't sure what that letter meant, but he didn't care much. The pictures were more important. "What are these, Hira?"

Hira only rocked back and forth, not even looking at him. Kiyoi grabbed several and knee walked towards him. "Hira, I will rip these into tiny pieces, if you don't talk to me. What the fuck are these?"

"No good. Not for you. I stopped." Hira yelled, reaching for them. He almost fell in his haste as Kiyoi moved them away. "You told me to stop so I did." His voice broke. "You told me to stop... but I didn't want too. I can't take pictures of anyone else."

Kiyoi stared in fascination. There was no stutter, nothing but rocking back and forth, with his eyes glazed. Was it tears? Was Hira crying for him? "Why would I tell you to stop, Hira?"

"I don't know! I'm no good." Hira yelled, his arms crossed protectively. Suddenly, his voice dropped. "I'm not good. Not good enough to take your picture, you're beautiful. I'm ugly." Lost inside of himself, he rocked, trying to find safety, stability. "You said to stop. I never took you picture again."

"Why are you doing that, Hira?" Slowly, Kiyoi moved closer, wondering if Hira was even aware he was still there. Fuck! Why did he have to be sick and to talk NOW? "What is Asperger's Syndrome?"

"Don't know. Don't know... Don't know..." Hira's eye fluttered and he refused to look at Kiyoi, just kept rocking back and forth. 

Did I break him? After everything we've been through, was this the final straw to breaking Hira, the one I want? Kiyoi reached out and put his hands over Hira's crossed ones. Slowly Hira stopped rocking and just took deep, gasping breaths. As they slowed, Hira lifted his head and looked at him. I was wrong. He never cried. 

But there was still something showing in the depths of his eyes that Kiyoi couldn't recognize. He thought he'd seen everything that Hira's eyes had to say. He'd stared at him for so long, just as long as Hira had watched him. Softly, "Hira?" 

Kiyoi was lost in his eyes. So he was not expecting it when Hira uncrossed his arms, linked their hands and pulled, causing him to fall into his chest. What the fuck... He's kissing me! 

It felt familiar. Warm. Like coming home. Kiyoi groaned as he lay half across of Hira's lap. He shifted, feeling his body respond to the stimulus of his kiss. He wanted... more. 

More of everything. Their hands unlinked and he felt the tremble in Hira's hands as they cupped his face, holding him still as his lips devoured his mouth, tongue plunging deep. Blood flowed where it shouldn't, and Kiyoi moved, trying to ease the aching. He slid his own hands under Hira's shirt, needing more... 

It was then, Kiyoi realized, they made a mistake. The gates had been unlocked but nothing had really changed. Hira's mouth had moved to his jaw, his neck, licking, and sucking... driving him crazy. He couldn't think but he had too. Pulling back, Kiyoi whispered brokenly, "Hira... what are we?"