Second Chances

Part 14

Hira considered it. Would having sex with Kayama make him understand why Kiyoi was upset with him? Why he wasn't worth touching? 

He sighed deeply and shook his head. There was no point to it. "I'm an idiot. Go home, Kayama." He bent down and picked up his towel, Kayama now forgotten. 

Kayama growled low in his throat, thoroughly pissed. There were few things that actually made him angry, but one of them had been apologizing to Sou Kiyoi. If it turned out to be for nothing, then someone would pay.

"Hira, stop." When Hira didn't, Kayama ran after him. "Hira, I don't care if we do or don't fuck, but I will tell you this, stop playing with people's emotions." 

"How did I do that?" Kayama barely heard his answer, so he pushed him against a wall, the picture near him rattled. Hira only blinked back at his sudden move. Kayama wanted to shake him, hit him, anything to have that bland expression change.

"What did you say? I didn't hear you clearly, Hira. Say it so I understand." Kayama pushed his chest. "Say it again."

Slowly, deliberately, without any change of expression, only his voice louder, Hira repeated, "How did I do that? I don't know how to be with people." Gentle Hira, the man Kayama thought he knew so well, finally used his superior strength. He raised his arms and pushed him back. Kayama flew into the common room, landing on his backside, barely missing the low table that was in front of the futon. 

Hira walked over to him, unaware that his towel had again fallen from his hips. He stood over him, then dropped into a low squat. "Go home, leave me alone. I need to think."

Kayama shivered, watching Hira's backside walk away. He was filled with many conflicting emotions, from lust, desire and admiration, plus a new, unfamiliar one: fear. 

Why am I afraid of Hira? He wondered. You know why, because you never really knew him!

~~~~~~~~~~

Once Kiyoi had arrived home, everything turned to ash. He forgot he was boiling eggs for the ramen and the water boiled out. Who does that? He'd even set a timer... He burned the instant noodles because he got lost in thought... 

It didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. After being with Hira, he knew Hira was the man for him. The only man who would ever see him for who he was, not just for his outer appearance, but inside. Those photographs proved Hira did see him, all of him, not just the outside. 

He pulled the photo out of his pocket, the one he'd stolen from the box and smoothed it out. Carefully, he propped it up next to a small yellow rubber duck. "I wonder why Hira has a rubber duck?" He ran his finger down the small toy. "I am grateful I saw your brother that first day of school, bobbing in the sewer. You gave me Hira."

He sighed, and decided that since he was not working once more today, he was going to have to forget Hira first. However long that took, he had to do that before life continued. Was it even possible to forget Hira's touch, his kisses, his mouth... 

He closed his eyes, and immediately everything came rushing back, including doubt. "You asshole! I can't..." He dropped to his knees with tears standing in his eyes. "Fuck it all!" He crawled to a low cabinet below his most prized possession, his large screen TV, and opened it. Inside, at the back, was a bottle of rice wine. 

It was dusty, because it had been given as a gift for his first paying acting job from his mother. He snorted, as his hand clasped around it. Trust an alcoholic to give alcohol as a gift to a barely legal son... then again, he swore he would never drink and look at him, since he met Hira once more!

There had to be a better way to forget him! He looked at the bottle held tightly in his hand and put it down, laying flat on the floor. His eyes closed and a wave of tiredness hit. I wish I would fall asleep and the world would be different when I wake up. I wish I'd never met him!