Second Chances

Part 13

Hira watched as Kiyoi rolled over and started to shake. What did he do wrong? Wasn't it his turn now? Wasn't that how lovemaking worked? He didn't understand... 

But after everything, he could live with it. HE had something to remember. Kiyoi had given him a gift from the god himself. Slowly, wearily, Hira slid off the bed and went to get dressed. To him, it was quite clear that Kiyoi found him lacking in some way. 

His head bowed, once again, looking at the floor, he completely missed the pillow Kiyoi threw at him, while shrieking, "Don't you dare leave, Stalker! Don't you dare make love TO me and leave me!" 

"It's okay, Kiyoi. You don't have tt.t.t.." Hira drew in a deep breath and tried again, "to." His breath puffed out softly. He kept his eyes firmly on the pillow that hit him, and he bent down and picked it up. "I know."

"Know what, Stalker? Because," Kiyoi spun the startled man around and made Hira look at him. "I don't know anything. I know I want you, too." He wrapped his arms around Hira's neck and kissed him. 

Shocked, rather stunned, Hira stood still for a moment then he melted. He tilted his head and took control of the kiss. The only part of his body that moved was his lips, so soft and gentle. It didn't last long, only long enough for Hira to taste Kiyoi's tears on his lips. 

With a soft grunt, Hira pushed Kiyoi away. "I don't understand anything, Kiyoi! I'm not good at this. I don't know what to do!" His hand went up to wipe a tear away and it dropped, without touching him. "I don't know what you need."

"You, asshole, you!" Kiyoi punched him, almost helpless. "You never tell me anything, about what you're going through. You do what you're told but never let anyone in." Kiyoi hit him again. "It hurts, Hira, hurts." He pounded his chest. "I don't know why, but it hurts, here."

Hira caught and held his hand. "It shouldn't, Kiyoi. I'm not worth it." He shook his head. "I'm... disabled." The word felt funny. It was the first time he'd said it aloud. "I... "

"I don't fucking care!" Kiyoi grabbed Hira's shoulder's and pulled him close. "How are you different than me? Explain!"

"I stutter. I can't..." No, wrong words, Hira knew immediately, as the look on Kiyoi's face changed. "I d.d..don't know how to be in social situations. I'll always be weird, Kiyoi. I t.t..ttt.ttthink different."

"I hate you." Kiyoi whispered. "I really do. How is that supposed to keep us from being together? It's just an excuse, Hira." He wiped his own tears away. "I don't talk to anyone either. I've never told anyone about you. I couldn't even tell you, I was too afraid of being hurt."

Kiyoi watched, as Hira's eyes changed, even though there was no change in his body, only his eyes. They darkened, deepened in colour, making it even harder to know what was on his mind. "It hurt, you know, back in high school, when you stopped talking to me. The only place I was just Kiyoi and it was gone overnight."

"I...I...I..." Hira started, then took a deep breath and began again, "I was sure you didn't need me anymore. You were popular. I was just Stutz."

"Stop saying that! I never called you that! Never, did I?" Kiyoi screamed, spit flying. "Did you ever think of how I felt?"

"Every day. I always con...conn.nn," Hira stopped, unable to continue, his face red. "I t.thth...thought of it, every day. I told you, I think wrong. How can I see your feelings your way?"

"I get it now." Kiyoi went and pulled on some clothes, the first ones he saw, not caring if they were Hira's or his. "I understand. That's your real disability, Hira. YOU don't want to actually know who I am, or learn to live in the world around you. You're happy living in that damn bubble."