Second Chances

Part 17

Hira stared at his phone and pressed contacts, scrolling until he found Kiyoi's name. He wrote a a text message and deleted it. Wrote a new one, and deleted that one too. From the safety of his small single bed, he yelled, loudly, "I can't do this! I am not good enough!"

But you want to see him again. You're brave, do it!

"Shut up! Shut up! You still don't know what you did wrong!" Hira screamed, rolling around, wrapping the blanket around himself. He could feel the episode coming on, not knowing how to prevent it. He tried to calm himself, breathing deeply. "I can't do this!"

A tear slipped down his face as he rolled around, and the blanket bound his arms tighter, knocking the phone out of his hand. Hira was too far into the episode now to notice, the need to let go of the stress and pain of the past few weeks far more important. 

He rolled over the cellphone, unnoticed, and since it was left on Kiyoi's contact information, pocket dialed him. The vocalization by then had stopped and he was now at the loud moaning and crying. 

"Hello? Hira?" Kiyoi's voice was loud, but Hira hear nothing. "Hira? Hira, are you alright? Do you need me?" 

Violently rolling now, through the phone, Kiyoi heard the loud thump as Hira rolled off the bed. "Fuck, Hira, what is going on over there? I'm coming over." 

~~~~~~~~~~

Kiyoi's heart almost stopped, hearing Hira making those sounds and then the thump. When he never answered him, his brain stopped functioning. He had to help. Somehow. 

His toe tapped impatiently at the train station, irritating other people. He was too caught up in his imagination, worrying about Hira, to notice the glances of others. Not that he cared. He hadn't cared what others thought of him in years.

He drew in deep calming breaths, as he stepped on the train. Only one thing mattered now: Hira. He had to be alright... he had to be. Time dragged until the Kiyoi reached the right stop, and then he felt his heart begin to beat faster.

Once out of the station, he ran all the way to the house. He pushed open the gate, and tried the door. It was locked. He moved over to the keypad and said a small prayer, sliding up the cover, entered the passcode he'd learned in high school. His head bowed with relief when the door beeped, allowing him entry. 

"For once, Hira, I'm not going to say a damn thing about your love of routine!" He slid off his shoes, pushed open the door and entered, heading straight for the bedroom. 

He stopped short, at the entrance and stared. "Oh fuck me, Hira." Kiyoi's sudden intake of breath was loud in the quiet room. "Will you please explain what the fuck is going on?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Hira was coming out of another episode. Hot and sweaty, he unwrapped himself from the tangle of blankets, unsure of how he ended up on the floor but that didn't really matter. His head hurt, as did his throat. 

On his knees, he pulled off his sweat soaked shirt, and threw it on top of his blanket. It was now dirty laundry. He glanced at the bed and sighed. Change the sheets now, or after his shower? 

After! Shower was a priority. So lost in his thoughts, he heard nothing until Kiyoi spoke. 

The sight of his god dried out his mouth. Hira suddenly wanted his bottom lip... tasting it. He licked his own lips, wetting them, as Kiyoi demanded an explanation.

"I can't." Hira shrugged. "I don't know what I did wrong. Then there is the stress. That's it, maybe." He raised a hand and scratched an itch on his chest, drawing attention to the fact he wasn't wearing a shirt.