"Absolutely Not."

Chapter 5: Detachment

My gaze fell from his to whatever my fingers had been holding onto, curled tightly around. The onion. I'd forgotten about it and the stew I hadn't begun to cook, still sitting on the kitchen counter. A twinge in my stomach reminded me that the apple hadn't been enough.

Fingers trembling from the small spurt of adrenaline lazily coursing through my veins ran through my brunette hair. I'd have to retrain my hands to remember how to tightly twist the locks back into a motionless bun to be able to be tucked underneath a helmet. Although, it was probably like riding a bike or aiming a gun, you never truly forget.

"Damn it," I cursed under my breath. "How long are you willing to give me?"

"I think we can squeeze out an hour."

"I'll be ready before then." As I turned to leave the room, I lingered in the doorway with the side of my fist resting on the doorframe. "Please don't let me regret this decision, Price," I muttered, slipping away completely from the room and into the kitchen.

Instead of my mouth that watered instinctually when my forlorn eyes caught sight of my forgotten, uncooked meal, my refrigerator consumed it all for it to spoil. I tossed a couple of granola bars into the pocket of my hoodie, something to tide over my grumpiness during the flight.

From the tip of my tongue, that same scream dangled. Frustrated and scared, I needed some sort of release to get it all out. A punch to the wall or that scream that clawed so desperately at my throat, anything would do, but I, unfortunately, had to keep it all in. For now.

I had plans for tomorrow night. Dinner. Scrambling for ideas, I only had one. She wouldn't believe me, but it was all I had, and I wouldn't be here to argue my departure. If I ever returned, I would just receive an earful of complaints from an elderly woman who cared too much.

A string of expletives muttered through my lips, and with each stomp out of the kitchen, the whispers grew to dark mutterings.

I popped only my head back into the door's frame, and he looked up from his phone. "Help yourself to whatever. It's going to spoil anyway." I didn't give him time to reply as I headed down the hall to my bedroom before he could.

I didn't have much to pack so it wouldn't take an hour, and everything else that might need to be covered like bills and my job, I would just have to worry about it back at base. Nothing that a couple of phone calls couldn't manage.

There was one thing that I needed to prioritize before anything else.

Ripped from a notebook, I wrote a hastily-forged note,

"Alina. I won't be able to make it tomorrow night for dinner. Family emergency. I'm leaving a key if you can make sure my plants don't die, and everything left in my refrigerator is yours. I look forward to the Borscht for next time."

My Russian was better spoken than transcribed, but I hoped she at least got the gist. I plopped my primary key in the middle and folded it all up so it wouldn't fall out, placing it in the opposite pocket of Simon's letter. Only one of them I'd known the content scribbled on it. One day, I would gather the courage.

I packed almost every single piece of clothing I owned save for a few dresses I knew I wouldn't need for where we would be going. Underwear, socks, shirts, pants, shorts, boots, all of it. All that I was missing would have to be acquired later.

One very full suitcase and a duffel bag to match, I plopped both of them on the ground when both of my feet landed back inside the same room Price remained.

Slightly embarrassed, I confessed, "I don't have gear. Any of it. I-" How much more of a coward could I seem? "I threw it all away when I ran. Didn't have the room for it, and I had to blend in." I let out a heavy sigh, not making eye contact.

"You think we don't have gear that you could use?" The chair groaned as he stood and slipped my bag over his shoulder while taking my suitcase with the other hand.

Heavy, hesitant digits turned off all the lights, and even heavier feet carried me out of my home to follow Price.

He headed to the car parked across the street, my bags in his possession. That was why I hadn't suspected anyone, I'd realized. But like a dumbass, the car stuck out like a sore thumb. Shiny and new, it opened my eyes to how complacent I'd gotten with my surroundings. My keen sense of detail now overgrown with weeds, it was time to begin the process of plucking it all clear.

"I just have to do one thing first. Give me one more minute?" I asked, my feet already turning towards the house next to mine.

After receiving a curt nod, I made the short distance over to Alina's. No lights were on inside or out, but it didn't disclose if she was home. Assuming she wasn't yet and still at the store, I placed my short explanation of my absence upon her doormat. I ignored the heaviness enveloping me like a dense fog as I rushed back to Price who now waited patiently, arms crossed as he leaned against the passenger side door.

Unwillingly, the detachment from intrusive emotions had begun.

Taking one, final look back, I silently said goodbye to my refuge.