"Absolutely Not."

Chapter 41: Black

I was back a year prior in that holding cell, holding Lily's lifeless body when the light in Mara's eyes dulled, an unexpected drive to the past that reminded me that I'd reached my limit.

There she was.

Except no mirth sparkled in her eyes, and her blonde hair was coated in dust and blood, making it darker like hay left out for too long.

"Lily?" My voice had been a notch higher than a whisper, hesitant for the truth.

No answer.

I tried again with another step forward, "Lily?"

Yet again, no answer.

I'd found her too late, and my sobs filled the room once I gathered her my trembling arms.

"It's okay," I wept into her hair, not caring if I got any of her blood on me. She still smelled of her floral perfume, and it'd be the last time I ever smelled it on her.

I mumbled to myself and to her deaf ears, "You did so good, Lily. Okay? I'm so proud of you, so proud. You..."

The memory faded away when the sensation of bare hands patting my flushed cheeks, bringing my gaze back to a pair of worried eyes. "Kelsey? Kelsey! You gotta stay with me, yeah? Where's the key?"

I croaked out, "Key?" What key?

"Yes, the key! To your restraints!"

The key, the key, the key...

As I racked my brain for the recollection to where the key had been deposited, Gaz keyed in to answer whoever had spoken over comms, "Affirmative. I've got her. She's been hit, though-"

He keyed out as someone probably yelled back something in return just so he could give me another pat on the cheek.

"Think, Holland, think! Where's the key?"

"The key..." I groaned out when the hallway rocked beneath me once more, forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut.

"No, Ghost, she's not fine," Gaz snapped, and I wished the mention of Simon's callsign was enough to cure my ailments or at least the dizziness.

The key, the key, the key...

The incredibly blurry memory of Mara pocketing the ticket to half of my freedom into her bulletproof vest popped up across the back of my eyelids, and I mumbled out a low, "Pocket..."

All I wanted to do in that moment was lay down. It didn't matter if the ground had accumulated too much of mine or Mara's blood or that anyone's boots had tracked whatever muck had stuck to the underside of their soles, I simply wished to curl up and sleep for an eternity.

The sound of someone rooting through fabrics of various material perked my ears, and I peeled my eyes open to watch Gaz, with blurry vision, rip open some of Mara's pockets. Frustration oozed out of him, understandably so, and even when he unlocked only my right hand to be free, his actions translated nothing but tension.

"C'mon," he grunted out as he hoisted me up to my feet again, my right arm around the back of his neck with his arm around my lower back. "Work with me here, Kelsey."

The short-lived adrenaline had long vanished, and whatever remained was just my tired bones and aching muscles, a sorry excuse of a soldier.

I mumbled out a low, "Can't," as I stumbled on my own feet, causing him to work twice as hard to keep us from falling.

His grip tightened and forced my legs to keep pushing. "Shut up. Yes you can."

With my bleeding hand and a head that threatened to lose consciousness with each unsteady shuffle, a few more curse words slipped from each of our mouths, and I'd never felt more hopeless than in this moment.