Regulus Black/Marauders Era Oneshots

Numbness

Regulus had learned from an early age that he wasn't to cry. It was drilled into Sirius, so he quickly picked it up. He had learned how to put down his emotions, and he let a numbness replace it. He never never just how bad that could be.

Regulus knew not to cry. He learned that young when his brother had begun to get punished for it. He has not cried in front of his parents since he was four. He had learned to swallow his emotions, and he would let a numb feeling take over. He couldn't decide if he'd rather feel the pain of the punishment or the numbness that was in place of it.

He couldn't escape the feeling after Sirius left. He couldn't bring himself to feel angry or happy or anything. Anytime he thought of Sirius, the numbness grew. So much so that, at times, he lost feeling in his fingers. He said what was expected, but he laid awake deep into the night. When he knew his parents wouldn't wake up, he silently let small tears run down his face. He let them slide down his face, but he ignored them. He acted as if they weren't there. He didn't know if he would ever be able to stop crying if he allowed himself to truly cry.

He went through the motions of days without ever actually feeling it. He didn't know until the night before that Hogwarts was about to start back up. For the first time in months, a spark of feeling flickered in his chest. Excitement. For what exactly, he wasn't sure. He didn't know if it was the chance to see his brother, or if it was the hope to feel anything other than the numbness that had a hold on his neck.

He boarded the train with a polite goodbye to his mother, and he let the excitement rise in his chest. He didn't know exactly why he was allowing it. Maybe, it was because he hadn't felt anything since Sirius left, or that he was more tired than ever.

He let his feet carry him, and he walked straight past his normal compartment. He barely acknowledged it. His mind had instead filled with just Sirius, hoping that his brother hadn't switched compartments. He saw the outside of the first compartment he'd ever sat in, and he felt nervousness slam into him. He let himself feel it.

He slowly walked closer, as the train started moving. He peeked into the glass, and he saw his brother and his friends. He had no time to stop himself because he was already pulling the compartment door open. "Sirius," Regulus whispered. Everyone fell quiet. Sirius snapped his head over to Regulus.

"Regulus." Regulus felt another wave of numbness wash over him at the harsh tone his brother used. He grasped onto the little feelings running through his mind.

"Siri, please," Regulus muttered. He grimaced as a numbness took him by the neck once more. He never let his eyes leave his brother.

Regulus watched as Sirius looked at him, slowly. He flinched slightly when Sirius stood up. He couldn't take his eyes off Sirius though. He was terrified that if he looked away he'd fall into the horrible pit that he was in with his mother.

"Reggie, I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered. Regulus let the silent tears fall down his face as Sirius slowly pulled him close. Regulus let a wave of longing fill him up. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius.

"You left. I'm alone. Siri. I can't- I can't stay alone," Regulus tried. He tried to get Sirius to come back. He needed Sirius or he'd fall away, and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

"I know, Reggie, I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't stay, Reggie. Come, come home with me this year. Reggie, please, please, come with me," Sirius begged. Regulus could only describe the feeling hitting him as love. He looked at his brother, and he could see a mirroring expression, one his mother never wore. Regulus nodded. He dug his head into Sirius' shoulder, and he nodded.

"Please, Siri, help," Regulus muttered. He tugged lightly on his brother's shirt. He felt the numb cage around him slowly dissipate. It shattered as Sirius let out a small sob.

"I'm here, Regulus. I'm always here, Reg." Sirius slowly walked them back. Regulus allowed himself to be pulled into a seat. He forced himself to look up, and he was met with two faces quickly looking away.

"I'm sorry," Regulus croaked. They instantly turned back, and they started talking over each other. Regulus noticed most of it was apologizes.

"Reggie, you don't need to apologize," Sirius whispered, bringing him close once more. Regulus let more tears fall out of his eyes. "They're my best friend's. They will be here for you too." Regulus just looked away from the other two. He shoved his face back into his brother's shoulder. "I missed you, Reggie. I wish I would've taken you with me as I left."

Regulus continued crying. He hiccuped, and he felt sadness crawling up his spine. He tried pushing it away. He didn't want to break down after finally coming to his brother. Apparently, that wasn't the plan though. His tears fell more rapidly, and breathing began getting harder.

He was being laid down, and he felt a familiar hand running through his hair. He rolled into his brother. He let himself sob into his brother. All the feelings he had been swallowing were all currently getting thrown out of him.

He unknowingly eased into a dreamless nap. He relaxed in his brother's lap, and his cries faded. He didn't hear the soft whispers above him, or the soft looks directed down at him.

He eventually woke to a soft shake. "Reggie," Sirius whispered. Regulus tried to dig himself deeper into the darkness of his nap. "Reggie, come on, we need to get dressed. We're about ten minutes away from Hogwarts. Come on, Reggie." Regulus reluctantly opened his eyes, closing them back instantly. He had a skull-splitting headache.

"Siri, my head," Regulus all but whined. He turned into Sirius. He felt a hand run through his hair.

"Moony might have some pain relief potions in his bag. He's looking right now, Reggie." Regulus cursed himself for allowing him to cry so much, but he felt so much better. The numb vail has been burned.

He felt a cold potion bottle press against his hand, and he quickly grabbed it. He didn't open his eyes as he downed it in one drink. He opened his eyes, and he let out a breath when he wasn't in any pain. He quickly sat up, and he went to thank Remus.

"No problem, Regulus, I'm happy to help. We're all here for you," Remus quickly said. Regulus smiled. He saw a soft smile on all the older's faces. He let himself relax.

"Thank you guys."