Regulus Black/Marauders Era Oneshots

The Book

Regulus tries to get his mind off the meal earlier by reading his favorite book, but that wasn't the best idea.

Tw: accidentally self harm, panic attack

Regulus walked around Hogwarts with his head held high. He walks around like he is the shit. He knows that some people laugh at him as he walks by. He knows his brother thinks he actually believes what their parents say. He walks around with his head held high because it's the only way he can make it to class.

His heart speeds up when people look in his direction, and he pushes down the feeling of needing to throw up every time he hears his name. He acts like he's better than everyone because his parents drilled it into him. It's muscle memory, and that is the only thing stopping Regulus from hiding away for the rest of his life.

He doesn't want to be held higher in Slytherin because of his name. He doesn't want to be hated by the other houses. He doesn't want to keep up this act with his brother. He wants so desperately to be like his brother, to be in Gryffindor. He wished to have his confidence, and he wished to be able to stand up to their parents.

As he looks into the mirror, Mother's voice bounces around his head. When he sees Sirius, her voice is back. Every meal, he can hear her voice yelling at him. When he walks, he feels his pants slightly stick to his thighs, in a painful way. He never shows an elation when someone accidentally hits him, or someone brushes past him and touches the sensitive area.

He gracefully avoids people's touches. Ducking under arms, and stepping away when they got too close. Regulus always longed to allow someone to touch him, to hold him, but touch always led to pain.

Regulus was walking into the Great Hall, and he tended as someone brushed against his shoulder. He noticed it was one of his brother's friends, James. He watched as James met Sirius at the Gryffindor table, and he longed to follow. Instead, he walked to the Slytherin table, and he forced a not-suspicious amount of food into his plate. He tried ignoring his mother's yelling in his ears, and he unconsciously sucked in his stomach. He swallowed hard to continue getting food down. His hand was shaking slightly, and he wanted to be anywhere other than at the Slytherin table. Once he saw another student, a Hufflepuff in the grade below him, get up, he quickly followed. He couldn't be the first one out. He gave the excuse of homework, and he began making his way to a small corner of the castle. He went there a lot, and only a few people have ever found him.

He curls up against a window overlooking the grounds. He stayed like that for a bit, focusing on the green of nature. His mother's voice slowly faded, along with the feeling of wanting to throw everything he just forced down his throat, back up. He closed his eyes briefly, exhaling. He allowed himself to relax. When he opened up his eyes again, he pulled out a muggle book. It was a gay romance, and Regulus, a hopeless romantic, loved it.

"Coming up with plans to hex us?" Sirius' voice rang out. Regulus tensed, snapping his book shut. "Oh, I got that right, did I?" Regulus suppressed a flinch at the laughter thrown at him.

"No, it's a muggle book," Regulus muttered. He quickly tried shoving it in his bag, but his hand was caught by someone else's.

"Hm, then you'll let us take a look?" James asked, smirking. Regulus froze. He tried tugging the book away from James, no luck. Blood rushed to his feet as James began opening it.

"James-" Remus began speaking, but was cut off by Sirius.

"Come on, Prongs, read it out for the class," Sirius laughed. Regulus felt his heart constrict. His mother's voice returned, stronger than before. Regulus felt so lightheaded that he stumbled slightly.

"Sirius, please-" Regulus begged, reaching out for the book. There were annotations in that book. He'd read it so many times that the borders were full of them. His thoughts were poured into that book. His heart was concealed in the pages.