behind walls | nomin

12 | kisses+cocaine

lunch was ending in 4 minutes.

jaemin and renjun had just returned from the nearby convenience store. 
"hey, do you mind if i head to the toilets real quick? its urgent." jaemin hadnt forgotten. he was longing badly to finally speak to jeno, the jeno he knew.
"oh, of course not. ill be with yang." renjun smiled and jaemin hurried up the stairs.
he was very uncertain of what to expect. he would be lying if he said their latest encounter was a success.

he was panting heavily when he finally reached floor 5. jeno was already waiting outside the toilets, scanning around for potential threats. jaemin couldnt even bother to care anymore. the entire floor was seemingly empty.
"my love, im so sorry." jeno greeted him with open arms that jaemin fit in perfectly. "sorry for earlier and for not visiting. i didnt know what renjun mightve told you." his embrace was warm. his smell was almost like a serotonin drug. jaemins mind went blank of evil memories as their unfeigned gazes met. this time with tenderness.
"im okay, dont be sorry. as long as youre with me, jeno. ive missed you. i love you so much."
it was as if jaemins affectionate whispers had solved all jenos existing problems.
"i missed you more. i had a special gift for you that i was going to give, but i never did and its just been by my bed since and every time i see it, i get reminded of you and it killed me inside. i cried so much missing you, my dearest." jeno wanted to cry at the feeling of jaemins soft hair gently pressed against his cheek. he wished so deeply that their relationship would be normal. he wished they would be accepted.
"the one you were going to give me that day?"
"mhm..."
they had loosened their grips, but jenos hands were still on jaemins waist, and jaemins hands still on jenos shoulders.
"is your mom okay?"
"shes recovering. i think shes coming home next week."
jaemin could see the countless sparkles glimmering in jenos sentimental eyes. he was happy for him.
"im so glad, jeno, you deserve all the good in your life."
"i certainly dont deserve an angel like you, jaemin."
jaemin held back, i wish you meant that.
it was as if jeno read his mind.
"i really mean it, na. im sorry things have to be so complicated, but i promise you, i love you with all my heart. im sorry, i know im a coward, but i swear, i will make it up to you. i just need you to trust me."
"jeno..." jaemin sighed, not knowing how to respond, "life isnt easy, is it? i love you too." jaemin kissed him on the lips. serenely but avidly. 5 words.

fire.
emotional overwhelm.
dim.
love.

jaemins classes had just ended.
"well, are you going to tell anyone?" renjun stuffs his books in his locker. jaemin is right beside him. he shrugs.
"i mean, all my relatives know already... i dont think anyone here should need to know."
"true. are your relatives supportive? or... do they know... about his past..."
"everyones been grieving for my sister. i guess i cant really tell, but i wouldnt believe they would care to scold me anyways, unless they find out." jaemins voice cracked.
"awh..." renjun cooed, "ill always be here for you, jaem, you know i will. dont think about it, theyre surely going to be more than happy for you. they know you deserve it."
"i hope so. thanks renjun. thanks for caring."
"of course jaemin, dont thank me. come on, lets go now, im sure youve got someone waiting."

the parking lot was at its usual serenity. the usual distinguishable cars parked at its usual slots. jeno waiting under the bitter dusk sky, shadows passing him at scarce times, the constant sounds of footsteps meeting the ground echoing from distance. the time was passing leisurely. the temperature was sinking.
"jeno!" someone suddenly called out. nobody was to be seen. 
jeno convinced himself that he was only hearing things.

around 20 minutes went by. jeno had started to worry that jaemin had gotten into an accident. he finally exhaled in relief when the sight of the younger male appeared at the corner of his eye.
"jaemin, love, what took you so long? i was so worried for you." 
"im so fucking sorry. mr. jung had a half an hour talk with me and then your friends tried to fight mine and i didnt know what to do..." jaemin threw himself into a tight hug.
"what now..." jeno sighed. 
"it was..." jaemin paused. "did i tell you about that girl who overheard me talking to you?"
"fuck... i do." he cursed.
"she was there... she, karina, 2 of her friends, mark... and one of the girls boyfriends were there too. i was on my way out of school with donghyuck and chenle since they had some after school thing, then mark approached us, he asked me what you had told me earlier and i told him that i didnt remember. then donghyuck asked him why he cared and... you know their past, right?"
jeno nodded, his arms still wrapped around jaemins waist.
"it escalated and everyone there got involved. it had just started to get physical before mr. kim heard from his office and calmed them down. they then forced us to stay to check the surveillance cameras and sent a note home for some of their parents."
"are you hurt?"
it caught jaemin slightly off guard. he blushed.
"im fine." 
"no, are you hurt, jaemin?"
"no, love." he lied.

"ive missed your place, jeno. its just like it was. it always smells great, just like you." jaemin sat himself down on the same soft sofa as months ago, when they would cuddle so shyly and timidly watching movies. when they had just met, first loved.
"thanks. it hasnt really been a struggle to be honest. i mean, its just been me." jeno sits himself down tightly beside him. "ive missed having you here." he softly whispered, stroking the others warm cheeks. his eyes fastened on jaemins pink lips.
they were close. it wasnt new. but a new type of spark was lit between them. a titillating one.
the feeling of jaemins breathing so near made jenos heart burst into flames. the blazing heat was taking over all parts of his body. 
"jeno..." jaemin suddenly paused his movements. "you take coke, dont you..."
jaemin stared as jenos eyes widened. he would never believe it was that apparent. 
"not regularly... how the fuck do you know..?" jeno cursed in apprehension.
"dont lie to me. what are those dozens of bags over there? and that white powder next to your card right there?" jaemin glared sternly at jeno. he felt so sorrowed and at the same time enraged.
"...okay, heart. at the time you were hospitalized, it was too much for me to cope with. my constant anxiety worsened and i felt so weak and vulnerable. i had to. i promise, ill stop. ill throw it all out. for you, jaemin."
"you better, jeno. you better take care of yourself no matter what." jaemin glare softened. a small smile unveiled beneath the solemn frown. his face finding itself between jenos palms, his lips finding itself on his.