behind walls | nomin

19 | dopamine

jaemin sucked at hiding tears.

"h- oh my fucking god jaemin. what happened?" jenos heart sank as he noticed jaemins pair of visibly red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. he hurried over to check if there were any physical injuries.
jaemin couldnt bring himself to answer and instead sought shelter in jenos arms.
"na jaemin, answer me. what the fuck happened." jeno tightened his embrace, sensing jaemins tears soaking through his shirt.
jaemin was in an uncontrollable torrent of tears, staggering on the brim of a panic attack.
"my fucking precious. lets get you inside." jeno gently lifted him off his feet and carried him into jaemins apartment.

he softly placed him down on the soft sofa and continued holding him in his arms.
"jaemin. take a deep breath. just one for me, please?" jenos voice was a soothing whisper, an attempt to transmit composure. he could hear the tremor in jaemins inhalations, and the anguish fixed in his exhalations.

"na jaemin, i love you." he pecked jaemins cheek. salty. he was infuriated. enraged. seething. wrathful. livid. incensed. every single word to express anger. the thought of someone causing harm to his most cherished person in the entire world ignited an unrelenting fire within him. determination etched across his face. he swore to unravel the identity of the perpetrator and ensure they faced eternal suffering. a taste of blood lingered in his thoughts. he wanted death. skinning alive. burning fresh flesh piece by piece. concrete slippers in the red sea. each a manifestation of the intense fury that consumed him.

"i fucking love you, jaemin. i fucking love you so much. why does life have to be so unfair, huh? it drives me crazy, my love. what have you ever done to deserve tears?" he muttered to himself. "im so upset right now, jaemin. i feel so bad. please tell me what happened." he gave him a longer kiss on his cheek.

jaemin took a deep breath. his voice was still trembling.
"it was just now... i was... i was just walking down the street by the food stands, and some guy from our school started yelling at me from behind..."
jeno softened his grip. each tear droplet cascading down jaemins cheeks was a painful reminder of the agony that consumed them both. the sight of jaemins disheveled appearance, his wet face, sore eyes, tousled hair, and rumpled clothes, ignited a fierce storm of emotions within jeno. his blood boiled with a mixture of frustration, sorrow, and self-anger for the harm he had failed to protect jaemin from, as well as the restrictions that held him back from taking his revenge.
"what did he say, my love?" he said, as gently as possible, fighting against the raging spirits.
"he- he said... that i was faking my sisters death in order to sugarcoat the fact that i was... a faggot." he felt the shame engulfing him once more, an overwhelming urge to sink and melt into the earths core seizing his throat. he couldnt bring himself to meet jenos gaze.

jeno couldnt believe it. he released jaemins arms, afraid of unintentionally hurting him.
"who was it?" he gritted his teeth, restraining himself from shouting.
"i-i dont know..."
"did you not recognize him? at all?"
"n-no... i didnt look. im scared, jeno."
jeno softly placed his hands on jaemins head, slowly massaging his scalp. "dont be, my love. im here for you. i own a gun collection." his voice turned into a whisper. "i know my way around things. if this ever fucking happens again, same person or not, i will, and i swear on ancestors, that they may never see the damn light of day ever again." he took hold of jaemins hands. "i love you, jaemin. please dont be scared. please dont be sad." he leaned forward and gave him a fervent kiss on his lips.
"hey, listen to me, jaemin." he pulled away from the kiss and gently lifted his chin. "that disgusting, immature nobody is just a miserable fuck. he has nothing better to do in life rather than intentionally be spiteful. really, dont let it get to you. he doesnt know shit about you, and it doesnt matter what he thinks because there is nothing we can do about it. and if rumors ever get out, i will take control."
jaemin regained stability in his breathing. "but what if he knows about us? you and me..?"
"thats not important right now, na jaemin. whats important now is that you calm down, get some dopamine in you, and turn the page." jeno wiped away the tears on jaemins face. they kissed for long, euphoric moments.
"i love you, lee jeno." jaemin whispered. "be my dopamine source." he wiped the last tear off himself.

"i will numb your pain."

behind the closed curtains. behind the closed doors. beneath the endless skies. beyond the earth.

their tongues swirled in feverish motions. heat writhed all over their bodies.

"numb my body too."

jeno pushed jaemin down on his bed, his hands exploring every inch of his body.

"i will fog your mind. you wont need to worry."

jeno relocated his lips. jaemin grunted at the feeling of his soft lips on his neck.

"wreck me, jeno."

jeno unbuttoned jaemins shirt, taking long moments to admire his figure. he rested his veiny hands on his petite waist. they could feel each other between their legs.

"say please, baby."

jeno lowered his hands, caressing the fly of jaemins pants.

"fuck... please, babe, please."

jaemin sat up. he sneaked his hands under jenos shirt, delighting in every muscle, which were all in seemingly perfect forms.

"your wish is my command."

jeno pinned him down once again. their crotches ached in relish. he began moving his in a smooth motion. the pleasure made their throats vibrate.

as their lips met again, they combined their voices.

jaemin impatiently unbuttoned jenos shirt, causing a button to break free from its string.

"ill make you pay for that."

jeno grunted in a voice almost as low as a whisper. he shook his shirt off and caressed jaemins smooth neck.

jaemin felt an immense pressure in his pants. he couldnt take his eyes off jenos physique. he had dreamt about those thick biceps tightened around his throat.

"please."

jaemin pleaded.

jeno didnt lie. all he could think of was getting thrusted so deep into. all he could think of was getting forced into. all he could think about was getting filled to the brim. all he could think about was jeno.