The Stepbrother's Girl

Chapter 19:: A Course Of Life and Death

I stand in my kitchen as I'm putting away dishes from breakfast as thoughts cloud my brain. This is all my fault yet I'm not the one being punished, but my mother. I need to talk to her about things.
I put the rest of the dishes up as I spot my mother out back talking to Ray.

"They won't find out, because they would not suspect it... I promise." She says in a whisper as if they're trying to keep a secret.
"I love you and I won't let you go. But I know my boys they will find out. Aria too."
"I wish you could just stay we can figure things out we can send the boys to military school." He pleads.
"Ray... you and I both know Aria is a strong hearted girl she's very passionate like her father was."

My heart sinks as I realize this whole time has been a lie they never we're going to split up because of me, but had to...
I can't even listen anymore. I whisk away as I knock over a flower vase that sat in the doorway. Before anyone sees - I hope, I run away to my room and close my door and land on my bed in a big sigh.

I just wish things were different. I hear a small knock at my door. Blake? No... My mom walks in as her eyes reveal that she probably saw me eavesdropping on them. I feign ignorance.
"Hey mom."
"So... how much of that did you hear?" She says as I knew she would.
"All of it... mom, I want you to be happy and if that means I have to leave or I have to change I will, I just want you to be happy." Tears begin falling down my face as she engulfs me into a hug.

"Baby, I would never ask you to change who you are or even who you love, I would hope you would follow your heart." She begins.
"I love Ray, and I know you didn't mean for things to happen the way they did. Things that aren't in our control we can only react to, because life is about learning and failing and loving, a trial and error."
She begins to smile as a tear also falls from her face.
"I'm so proud of you Aria. Don't blame yourself, you only followed your heart." She hugs me tight as we sit there and hold each other. My mom is amazing she has her glorious ways.

After a while of my mother and I chattering I hear a loud bang downstairs followed by a few more. My mother and I go to investigate to seeing the boys making dinner. Accept Blake...
He's just going to avoid me until I'm gone, and I may have to accept that. It's only fair I respect his decision.

Levi smiles at me, "We're making your favorite, lasagna!"
I giggle at his enthusiasm as he begins happy dancing. This feels more like old times than old times feel like old times.  I watch as Ray and my mom enjoy each others company and it intoxicates me with guilt. I won't ever forgive myself. I've made my decision and it's gonna hurt me the most. Tomorrow is the day.

The boys are finishing up dinner as my mom is feeding my little sister and I'm watching re-runs of the office. I feel that hole of emptiness still inside my gut and I'm just not sure how to get rid of it. My thoughts vanish as my mom speaks up.
"Where's Blake? He's not going to miss our last dinner together now is he?" She says as if she's trying to lure him out of his room.

She lays my sister down as she begins to make her way towards Blake's room. We hear a loud scream, one of those horror movie cries from my mother as everyone runs to her.
"Call the ambulance! He's OD'd."
My heart sinks as it crumbles into a million pieces. What has he done?

Ray lays him on his side as Levi calls 911. I see his face pale as a ghost, no life in his eyes, just wide open. I'm screaming and crying on the inside but my physical body just seemed to not register the pain yet. Once I'm able to move again I begin to cry. I hold Blake in my arms as we wait the ambulance.
"Please Blake, I can't lose you." I cry as a tear drops onto his face. I cry harder, and harder until I can't see. My mom holds me as I'm holding Blake and Ray is holding a hyperventilating Levi.

The ambulance shortly arrives as they try desperate measures to save him. They're trying to give him meds and oxygen as one medic says, "There's no pulse. We need to resuscitate." My brain scatters and I can visually see my family is as disassociated as I am. I hear small phrases but I finally hear, "What's the time of death?" And I shatter. No.

This can't be happening. We we're just happy what could have went so wrong? They load Blake onto the ambulance as the medics talk to my parents. I run after him as the paramedic tells me only a parent or guardian can accompany him. I break down even more. Ray decides to ride with them as my mother agrees to follow after in our vehicle.

My heart is just in an enormous amount of pain and I just want it to go away. How could Blake do this? He didn't even speak to me I couldn't even see his smile or smell his cologne or sleep with him at night. I cry harder as Levi is now holding me. He caresses my hair as he's stopped crying but his eyes are puffy and his hair is a mess and his whole posture is wrecked.

"Blake's strong... I'm sure he'll make it." He tries to assure me but he knows just as well as I do only time will tell. I think deeply about my decision the decision I made to not chose either of them because I knew it would be for the best but now... I can't even picture life without Blake. My stomach turns as I feel sick and just numb. What have I done?