This is a request for an argument/conflict between Tayvis.
The timeline of the tour, of fitting in time to nuture a fairly new relationship which happened to be with someone who also had an insanely busy schedule and maintaining the balance between making certain she was taking care of herself in order to perform while still wanting to be supportive of her partner was a challenge.
They were doing fine, though, probably even better than expected. She thought in part, it was because she was with someone who understood what it was like to have to travel a lot, whose life wasn't typical and he was used to making everything coordinate in a way where it felt relatively normal, as normal as that life could be, at any rate.
It wasn't to say the balance was easy. There were weeks she was so physically and mentally drained, it was difficult to find time for a real conversation, especially given they were in two conflicting time zones.
There was a part of her that feared history would repeat itself. Travis was different, obviously, no fragile masculinity there, but she was also highly cognizant of the fact her lifestyle wasn't exactly conducive to relationships. The other person had to be willing to make sacrifices and she'd learned the hard way, sometimes they decided it wasn't worth it.
But she'd finally found someone with the same level of dedication she had to her career. His confidence that he could have it all and so could she made much of the fear fade. They'd take it one day at a time, of course. Still, she had a good feeling that this, he, was endgame.
It would be an entire year in August, only two short months away and they were still going strong. They managed to celebrate Halloween, both of their birthdays, Christmas and the New Year together, albeit in strategic and nontraditional ways. She'd been able to fly out to him on breaks in between shows and when the stars aligned and football season ended he got to attend many of the concerts, too. Nearly 365 days of Travis. They'd met each other's entire families and friends, taken mini vacations (they had a week long one in the works when life slowed down a little), supported one another in their careers, shared so much laughter, celebrated triumphs and mourned defeat. Between the tour and her relationship, it'd truly been one of the happiest periods of her life. She couldn't wait to see what was next.
London was the following leg and as the jet landed, she felt her stomach sink. She'd been afraid of this, a physical reaction to stepping foot in the place that once was home. No matter how much she had healed, she knew she would be confronted with memories.
She hadn't shared her concerns with anyone, brushing it off when Trav off handedly asked her how she felt about going back there.
"It's my job," she'd shrugged over takeout on one of the rare instances they were in the same place at the same time. "Not a big deal...I'm good now. It was a long time ago."
Being closed off was a trait she tried daily to work on, talking it out instead of internalizing, but she'd been pouring her feelings into words on paper, into a melody and lyrics for so damn long now, verbalizing, even if she loved someone (at times, especially because she loved someone) almost seemed like a violation, a unsolicited reveal of her inner most thoughts.
Travis had been poised to say something, his eyes silently pleading with her to talk to him, but she'd shaken her head, cutting him off the pass.
"I don't think we should be wasting time, discussing shit that doesn't matter. We hardly get to see each other as it is."
It hadn't come up again and she wouldn't let herself think about it, either, shoving down any emotion that might've surfaced.
Now, heading to the hotel in the car, her throat ached. Even watching the scenery flash by out the window hurt and she had to tear her gaze away, looking down at her phone, twisting the ring on her thumb...anything except acknowledging that being back here hurt. It really fucking hurt and because of her own stupid pride, she had to deal with the pain alone.
