A request
A little over a year ago, Taylor could have seen herself extending the tour. In fact, a part of her had seriously considered it. The appeal of being nomadic meant not having to think about how nothing had turned out the way she had planned, not having to sit in how painful it was, what she'd considered a personal failure.
Touring was what got her through some of the hardest moments of her life because at the end of the day, no matter how lonely she was or fucking sad, for those three and a half hours, she had everything. Connection, love. Hope. It stayed in her body for awhile afterwards and even after the feeling dissipated, she knew it would come back to fill the empty spaces, to make her feel whole again.
So much had changed. Her life grew richer, exponentially. The love she experienced in different cities and countries and continents didn't diminish; rather, it complimented what was going on in personal life, added to the happiness.
But she was absolutely aware, sooner rather than later, what she wouldn't get to experience.
What was to be their first Thanksgiving together. Birthday parties. Family gatherings. Important things that she would've loved to be there for.
"I've gotta miss things, too, Tay," he had reassured her. "It's just the nature of our jobs. The thing that matters most is the quality of time we spend together, not the quantity."
Logically, she understood he was right. The amount of time they spent together wasn't what truly mattered because they always made every second count.
And still, she couldn't help the underlying thought she was indeed missing out. Especially as their relationship progressed, it was abundantly clear what they'd decided on and she didn't want to waste anymore time. She'd squandered so much of it already, clinging onto false promises and she was done.
There had been talk of an extension for awhile floating around and she knew a meeting had to be held sooner rather than later so that everyone wasn't in limbo; these people, her dancers, her band, the crew, they all had lives and careers, too. She realized as long as she kept going, so would they, but they needed a concrete answer.
And she was tired. Above all, she was tired. Slowing down didn't mean stopping. She'd never fully stop, she loved it way too much.
But she was ready to take the sprint to a stroll. She saw a future with this man and not in the distance, either. She didn't know exactly what the next few years would bring; she knew what she wanted them to. They knew.
In her younger days, she'd been worried an elongated break would mean they'd forget her, the collective "they" being her fans, the industry at large. The pandemic had proved that to be untrue. As long as she put out the music, someone would listen and that's all she needed. She didn't delude herself into thinking things wouldn't change should she take time to start a family, to sink back a little into other projects...it was obvious they would. And she was okay with that. She was finally in a place in her life where she was with someone who held the same values as she did, who was able to understand her passion and drive without making her feel a single shred of guilt for it.
Life was fleeting. Happiness didn't always last. There was no time like the present.
"I wanted to talk to you first."
It was the night before she was due to fly back; exhausted and emotionally drained after her last show in Rio, but this couldn't wait, she'd made up her mind.
"You can talk to me about anything, baby."
Huddled under a blanket, Taylor held the phone out, holding his green eyed gaze on the screen. Thousands of miles away and he might as well be right there.
