Blue

Preparing

Casper's Perspective
Leo gets the distant look in his eyes that tell me he's sunk into his mind. But usually his body is  still when he gets that look in his eye. Now, he's fidgety. He pulls at his fingers and messes with his hands. I watch him for a second before I decide to try to pull him out of it. "Leo? Come back to me." I gently request as I run my hand through his hair.

His eyes focus on me for a second before sinking back into nothingness. His body is still restless. I rub his back in slow circles and he speaks. "Casper... I don't know if I can do this."

"Talking to my family isn't going to be all that bad, I promise."

Tears start streaming down his face and I wipe them away. "No, not just that... I can't. I can't stay sober. I thought... I thought I'd be able to, but I can't."

I turn and twist over him, straddling his lap. I hold his face and look him directly in the eyes. "You are going to anyway. You can get through today. We can talk about it again tomorrow, but just stay sober today."

More tears come from his eyes, and my heart lurches. I think for a second. "How about this? You get through this hard conversation, and afterwards, you'll get a reward. How does that sound?"

He looks at me. "What kind of reward?"

I lean down as whisper in his ear. "I'll take you out of your mind for as long as you need. I'll make you have zero thoughts beside how to get your pleasure and how to pleasure me."

He exhales and nods. "Okay."

My phone dings on the bed and I grab it, leaving Leo's lap. He seems more calmed down now, and I see a text from Henry. "Log on before the others do."

I check the time- it's around 10:30. "We're gonna log on early; Henry and probably Leah want to talk."

Leo nods. I've calmed him down for now, all I can do is hope he doesn't snap. I get my computer from my backpack and plug it in on my desk, which is next to my side of the bed. I pull up an extra chair and Leo sits down next to me. I feel buzzing in my hands, so I use my mental tools. Stop worrying, it gets you nowhere. I love Leo, Leo loves me. My family loves me. They want to love Leo, so that we're all in agreement. I am set up for success, not failure.

"You okay?" Leo asks.

The buzzing stops. "Yeah, just a little nervous for literally no reason."

I open up Zoom and log in with the link Henry sent to the group chat.

The screen loads and I grab Leo's hand. Henry's face pops up, as does Leah's. They smile; Leah's grin and Henry's slight lifting of one side. "So," Henry begins, "Let me tell you how things have been going here."

Leo and I nod. Henry speaks with a sassy tone, like always. "Basically, Molly was the most sympathetic besides me, and yet no one listened to her even though it's her pills. The only time she was actually pissed about it was the two days after she ran out. But that's because she was in pain, and you know how Molly is when she's in pain. Like, girl gets a headache and becomes a bitch. Don't tell her I said that. Anyway, Percy is logical as always and his only stance is 'I need more data' like a fucking AI. Naima shut down and doesn't like to talk about it, and I got Leah to join the right side of history."

I looked over at Leo, who was nodding. I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back. "What about Cliff?" I asked, already sure of the answer.

"He's enemy number one. Angry. I don't wanna say angry like his father, because that would be rude. However..." Henry trails off, but we know what he wanted to say.

Leah cuts in. "It's not demonizing the addiction, though. It's putting you on a pedestal that Leo could never reach. You're not the youngest, but he kinda sees you as the baby of the family. Leo, I recommend you do your best to not take offense to the shit Cliff's gonna throw at you, and definitely don't fight back at the shit he throws at Casper. Casper can handle himself."

Leo squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back. "What kind of 'shit' is he gonna throw?" Leo asks.

"At you, personal questions that you might not want to answer. It's completely up to you to decide what you tell him. Just don't admit to real bad crimes, please. As for Casper, be prepared to be compared to Mom. Cliff is all about breaking the cycles, and he's worried you're not. He's gonna ask you guys about your relationship and crap, and...um. One more thing. Prosecutor's got witnesses."

Leo and I gave confused looks. Henry looked smug, while Leah looked ashamed. Henry spoke up. "I would like to add the disclaimer that I was against this plan from the beginning, and I had no part in it. Leah talked to Chrissy and Ethan."

"When?" Leo asked quickly.

Leah stuttered through her words. "Well, they said great things right after you left the California house, but then Ethan... kinda... had a different opinion later. He said you hurt Chrissy. And Cliff knows about that. But Chrissy didn't throw you under the bus at all, she was very adamant that it was fine."

I scowled at her. "You what?! You went over my head to my best friends and not only did you ask them to share our secrets but they actually did! Where's my phone?!"

I found my phone in my pocket and called Chrissy.

"Hey girl." Chrissy's voice came through the phone.

I seethed. "I'm on a call with Leah and she just told me the most interesting thing."

"That I covered your ass? You bet."

"That Ethan didn't. Cliff knows about Leo hurting you."

"What?!" Pure anger and disbelief was in her words.

Did she not know? "You didn't know? You promise?"

"I promise on Ethan's going-to-end-soon life."

"Okay, based on that, I think Ethan will feel enough wrath without me chewing him out. Fuck him up, Chrissy. Love you."

"Love you."

I hung up the phone and looked at Leo. His hand shook slightly. He looked scared. "You okay?" I looked in his eyes.

"Kinda." He responded.

"You ready?" I asked sincerely.

"Kinda." He sighed.