Blue

Can't Sleep

Casper's Perspective
We didn't sleep well. At around 4 in the morning, I was laying with my arms crossed, staring at the ceiling. Leo turned over a few times and I heard him sigh. "Can't sleep?" I whispered.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Nope."

"What's got you so distressed? I mean, I know my story isn't the happiest, and can be kind of disturbing."

He shook his head. "No, no. It's not the story. It's just... I'm sorry I made you tell me."

I shook my head. "You deserved to know."

I sat up and leaned my head on his shoulder. He rested his head against mine. I check the time on my phone. 4:30. "You're apologizing to my family at 11, by the way. You should probably try to sleep."

He nodded. "Can you tell me how you all became a family? I feel like it's important context."

Shit, I don't even know if I remember. "I can try. Leah, Henry, and I had to move out after mom died. I was so upset that I distanced myself from everyone and came here. We only really reconnected last year, and by then, they were part of the makeshift family. Basically, Leah and Henry crashed on couches and floors for a while, then Leah got curious. She realized there might be more siblings out there. Either from our mom or one of our dads. So she did an ancestry test that told her she had a sister on her dad's side. Molly Wells. And Molly is Percy's sister, and they are Cliff's step siblings. And Cliff is Naima's half brother. After Cliff's mom and Molly and Percy's dad passed, Cliff, Molly, and Percy all moved in together. That's the house in California. Almost immediately after buying the house is when Leah reached out to Molly. Leah and Henry moved in, and only recently moved out. The family always has a place to stay if they need to, because there's two extra bedrooms. Naima lived there for a bit, but she doesn't anymore. We're also super aware that there might be more siblings or kids in need that might want a place to stay. What else..." I realized I was rambling.

"That's crazy! I'm glad you all like each other." Leo chuckled.

I nod. "We disagree sometimes, but we all have shitty parents, so we just... stick with each other. It feels like we all understand each other. I mean, all of our parents were addicts, all of us had bad home lives, we all needed friends. We all needed family."

Leo went quiet and I realized what I said. "Shit, sorry. I don't mean to say that being an addict immediately makes you a bad person. That's not what I think at all."

"No, it's..." He trailed off.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "What?"

"Family. Link was alone, without family, for two years. And now he has me and I have him, but... my other brothers might still be at home. Or they ran away. Or they're dead. If Dad was able to off one of them, the rest would probably fall back in line. But he'd be down too many men. No matter what happened after Link and I got out, I don't think everyone lived. And I don't think their operation would have continued. And I don't think I'll ever know."

I thought for a second. "I thought you hated your brothers?"

"They helped us escape. And they were good when we were kids. I was 9 when mom left. I still have good memories with them from my childhood. And they're my brothers. Percy saw me take my first steps, for gods sake. They were never even given the chance to really live. We were all... doomed."

"Do you... do you think you'll be okay talking to my family? Including my Percy?"

He thinks for a long time. "Yeah. I can do it."

We sit in silence for a bit. "We're not sleeping, are we?" Leo sighs.

I yawn. "Apparently not."

Leo slides out of bed, stretches, and heads to the bathroom. I get up and scan my bookshelves. I grab a book that I don't think Chrissy has read yet, and leave the room. I leave it at her door and head back to my room. The lights are still dim. The only people awake right now are the Reds, so they can prepare breakfast. When I get back to my suite, I hear the shower running. I crave seeing his naked body again, so I open the bathroom door and walk in. Leo turns and chuckles. "What do you need?"

I stop my jaw from dropping at the sight of his wet hair and the water crashing over his muscles. "Just enjoying the view." I lean against a wall.

He laughs. "Yeah, I bet you are."

I notice there's no steam or heat radiating from him. "Do you shower with cold water?" I say, practically disgusted.

"It's refreshing. I tried the hot water when I got here, but it makes me want to sleep."

"That's called relaxing, Leo." I tease.

"Well, I don't do that." He looks at me over his shoulder. "Come on, try it."

I contemplate if cold water is a price I'm willing to pay in order to shower with Leo. I am exhausted, maybe it could wake me up. I shrug and strip off my clothes. He watches as I open the door and step inside. He drags me into the stream of cold water and I squeal. "That is ice! Goddamn it!"

He laughs his beautiful laugh. "You can handle it, I believe in you."

"Nope, nope." I attempt to exit the shower but he grabs me.

"Come on, it's not that bad!" He tries to reason.

"It is! It is that bad!"

I get him to turn up the heat a little bit so that the water is lukewarm. We wash our hair and our bodies, then I can finally escape. I shiver and try to dry myself off as fast as possible. Leo laughs as he sees me shake. He wraps a towel around his waist and brushes his teeth. I go back to the main room to get dressed and only then realize what I had done.