Blue

Nightmare

Casper's Perspective
He sleeps curled up. Knees raised to his chest. He has one hand under the pillow and the other over his face. He sleeps like he is afraid. It saddens me, seeing my soulmate like this.

I know I'm not sleeping tonight. Not while a stranger is in my room. A stranger who runs or even fights when he gets triggered. But it's fine, I don't sleep much anyway. So I watch him.

He tosses and turns, occasionally stretching his limbs before curling back up again. He throws the blankets off of him as he sleeps and never pulls them back up.

He starts turning himself over again, but he doesn't flip over fully. He's curled up, his legs on the couch and his hands protecting his neck and head. I can see his back muscles through the sweaty shirt. He starts wincing and cringing, and that's when I get off the bed. I run over to him and put my hands on him gently. He doesn't move. He whimpers and I can tell he's crying.

"Are you awake? Are you okay?" I ask gently.

He curls in tighter. I shake his body. His hand suddenly comes up and grabs mine, twisting it backward. One more lurch and he's breaking my wrist. His eyes meet mine and all I see is fear. He probably sees fear right back at him.

I know the second after I move what I should have done, and that I did the wrong thing. But in that moment, instinct takes over. I shove my knee in his face and wrench my wrist free. I run to the other side of the room and don't move. Shit. I might have hurt him.

He goes back to curling himself into a tighter ball but this time he groans, "Sorry. I'm sorry."

I remember the guy that got him to calm down when he was running. I don't remember his name, but I know his face. I lean my head back and howl, calling him to my room. He doesn't respond. It's the middle of the night and no one responds.

I take some deep breathes and do my affirmations. I am safe. I am powerful. I am okay. Then I go back to the couch.

"Leo, I'm here. Leo, it's Casper."

"I'm sorry." He cries.

"It's okay. I'm okay. I'm worried about you. Do you need me to get... um... the other guy?"

"Link?"

"Yeah, Link. Do you need Link?"

He nods. I run out the door and find a door that says Lavender in letter decals down the hall. Thank god. I pound on the door.

"Who is it?" A tired voice called out.

"It's Casper. I need Link. Leo needs him."

I didn't hear anything for a second, then the door opened. Link was in a shirt that was too big for him and pajama pants. "Where is he?"

We ran back to my room. Leo was in the same position, his muscles tense and body in a ball. "Leo? It's Link. How can I help you?"

"I dropped them. Somewhere between home and here."

Link tensed. "No, Leo. You got this."

Leo started to uncurl himself. "Get them for me. Now. You know how."

Link sat next to Leo. "Take a cold shower, Leo. Drink some warm tea. We have a gym; punch something. Anything but that, Leo. I'm not going back."

Leo looked up at Link, his tall, muscular body somehow seeming small. Link rubbed his back. Leo cried more, racking sobs shaking his body. Eventually, he fell back asleep, curling up on his side.

"Has he always been like this?" I ask Link.

Links eyes got dark. "Addicted? Yes. This bad? No. The asking for drugs is normal, but I've never seen the nightmares get this bad. I've never seen a panic attack like this. I don't really know how to help."

I nod and rub my wrist. Link clocks it, but he ignores it. He yawns. "I'm going back. Get me again if he panics."

I nod at him.

"Oh, Casper?" He turns back, "If you can't handle it, that's fine. He's a lot. But if there's a chance you can help, if there's a chance he can find love, I'd love if you went for it."

I nod again, and he leaves. I look over at Leo. He seems more peaceful now. I watch him the rest of the night, in between reading and crocheting.