Fifty Darker Shades of EraserMic (Shades of EraserMic #2)

Sit Like A Queen!

Shouta was hardly what he would call overly expressive. He wasn't the type to let an emotion come for him with its hooks and display in an overly enthusiastic, dramatic manner. There had never been a need for him to display the quieter emotions nor the overwhelming weight of those larger ones. He didn't like to make a fuss when the emotions inevitably came for him with their strangling hold over him. It only served to offer himself on an examination table for others to judge. To pick apart and criticize

To admonish his reactions. His responses to those emotions should his reactions be deemed "abnormal" to others. The last thing he'd ever wanted was that judgement aimed his way. The skepticism he had seen when it came to his emotional reactions throughout his life. The disappointment when he simply didn't react "properly" as other children his age had been. To put on a big display of emotion was an energy consuming feat that he simply didn't have the patience for. The willingness to make a big deal over it.

There was no need for a loud display if he felt joy. If he felt angry. Despair. Hizashi, on the other hand, had always been a loud person. A spot of sunshine that never hesitated in vocalizing his emotions when he felt it was safe to do so. When he was in a safe space of his to be far more expressive about his emotions. It was never a mystery as to what his husband was feeling on the best days they'd spent together. It was never hard to read when he was happy, joyful, or euphoric. When he was content or tired.

There were, however, harder days where it was hard to understand what was wrong. To detangle the ball of emotions that did nothing but fester in the blonde which inevitably spread to himself. His husband never seemed too hesitant when it came to be exuberant. Being upfront about his emotions in a public setting no matter what they happened to be. And yet there were times when he didn't know how to read his husband properly. When he couldn't pick what ran beneath the surface of it all right away.

Hizashi, however, would always encourage him to be more open with his emotions in public the way he was in private. That he didn't need to gush or fawn over anyone but merely seem approachable. He'd never seen the reason too, yet the blonde never pushed. Never told him upfront that he had to change. If anything, he swore his husband never beamed brighter than he did when they met in the parking lot in the mornings. As if the sight of his exhausted perhaps even stoic face was an absolute delight.

A treat when they'd spent one night apart. It was hard to bite back that smile when arms were being thrown around him. Pulled into an exuberant hug that he found himself returning. Emotions were messy. He didn't like to be public with his emotions if he could help it. No one needed to know the emotion coursing through him the way Hizashi did. He didn't need to be an open book to those around him and the blonde seemed to understand that sentiment. Never pushed for him to smile more. To be vocal in the public eye.

If anything, the blonde delighted in flaunting that subtle suggestion that he knew more about him than even Nemuri. That there was more to him than what was seen with that ominous tone. Then shooting those wide smirks with that playful sparkle when Yagi would look to him with that wide eyed curiosity. He swore that smugness to his husband would never fail to both irritate and amuse him. The delight that sparkled in the blonde's gaze with the pride that he had gotten something right about him.

A devious joy in flaunting his personal knowledge about one another. It was annoying. Childish. But God, he couldn't help smirking over it when he had a moment alone with his husband. In the days following that Thursday night, he had been floating. The euphoria, the bliss, of the previous night had refused from the previous night when he'd woken that Friday morning. Those smiles easily triggered when he'd woken to find his husband's eyes on him. The adoration he'd been met with could melt the strongest man.