glitch | jack hughes (rewritten)

chapter 23

josephine lee

Since becoming Jack's girlfriend we haven't had much time together. Part of it is our busy schedule but the other half is because I'm scared. I enjoy the security of being in a relationship but now I'm second-guessing how quickly I jumped into this. Every time I start to feel the same unexplainable feeling in my chest I remind myself how much I wanted this. 

Was I worried sick when he got hurt? Yes! Do I care about him? Obviously. Do I want to cry every time I get a text from him? Yes. 

But I wanted this. I wanted to be able to touch him without feeling like I'm breaking imaginary rules. Without him realizing it I was holding guidelines for myself every time we were together. I could tell Jack was letting go just to continue to show me how much he cared and wanted a relationship with him. I spent the majority of my past relationship begging Brendan to love me or simply care for me. I guess all I wanted was the energy I was giving in return. 

He gave that to me. He's constantly putting in the effort and it's not nice of me to notice and not do the same. Relationships cannot be one-sided, and the guilt inside of me won't allow this relationship to continue if I give the same energy. I need to get comfortable with him so I can lean into him without second-guessing or overthinking it. 

I want to feel good when I text him and accustom myself to a good boyfriend. I know he can sense how I'm feeling and I feel horrible each time he asks what's wrong. Because nothing is wrong, he is perfect. I'm just difficult. 

Which is why I've invited him over for an at-home date night. Unfortunately with my current situation with my ex and his fanbase assuming I cheated on him going out in public isn't the best idea at the moment. And even if the coast was clear we're not ready to make our relationship public. I'm trying to soak in what little time we have in private before someone finds something pinpointing me to Jack or Jack to me. 

So in the meantime, dates in private are the way to go!

I've already cleaned the house and reorganized some furniture to fit tonight's aesthetic and give my house a restaurant vibe. I pushed my couch up against the wall and rolled my rug up to create a passageway for him to walk through. I've set up a few candles on the ground which are for sure a fire hazard but this is me trying my best to make up for the fact that I haven't been very girlfriend-y. He deserves it. 

After changing into something slightly nicer than what I was wearing all day I get a text that he's pulling into my neighborhood. I lower the food I've been cooking to a lower heat and make my way to the door making sure to dodge the candles and not set myself on fire. I push my blinds to the side and watch as Jack steps out of his car.

Before he has a chance to knock I open the door for him, greeting him with a smile that matches the sweet one on his face. He takes a step forward and wraps his arms around my waist, tucking his face into my neck. My arms slowly make their way around his shoulder, one of my hands creeping up to find a spot in his hair. 

He hums at the feeling of my nails scratching his scalp, nuzzling his face into me as the gentle scratching makes him shiver. He presses soft kisses to my neck, working his way up to my lips. I tilt my head up, letting him continue his trail, feeling the loss of contact as he says,  "Missed you so fucking much." 

He cradles my face in his hands, looking me deep in my eyes before something catches his eye. He cuts our eye contact off as his line of vision drifts to the candle-lit passageway toward the dinner table. He does a double take both at me and the candles, his face going through multiple changes in regards to his expression. 

His face is hard to decipher but I can't imagine him being upset with the effort I put into this. I continue to stare at his unreadable expression, waiting for him to say something to me. "Jos," he stops, slowly pulling his hands off of me. I pull him by his hand and guide him down the hallway, through my living room, and to the dining room. I show him the full setup for our dinner date, waiting for any kind of response. When I look back at him he opens his mouth to finally say something, but what he said happens to be something I never want to hear again.