Fairytales of Famous Authors Compared to Disney Cartoons with proper respect etc

Story 88: Clever Gretel Brothers' Grimm 1812

Clever Gretel

There was once a cook by the name of Gretel, who wore shoes with red heels, and when she went out in them she wiggled and waggled happily, and said to herself. "My, what a pretty girl I am." And when she got home again, she'd be in such a good humor that she'd take a drink of wine, and then, as wine whets the appetite, she'd taste all the best parts of what she was cooking until she was full, and say: "A cook has to know how her cooking tastes."
One day her master said to her: "Gretel, I'm having a guest for dinner. I want you to make us two nice roast chickens." "Yes, master, I'll be glad to," said Gretel. She slit the chickens' throats, scalded. plucked, and spitted them, and toward evening put them over the fire to roast. The chickens began to brown and were almost done, but the guest hadn't arrived. Gretel called in to her master: "If your guest doesn't come soon, I'lI have to take the chickens off the fire, but it would be a crying shame not to eat them now, while they're at their juiciest best." "In that case," said the master, "I'll go and get him my-self." The moment his back was turned, she put the spit with the chickens on it to one side. "Standing over the fire so long makes a body sweat," she thought, "and sweating makes a body thirsty. How do I know when they'll get here? In the meantime I'll hop down to the cellar and have a little drink." Down she ran, filled a jug from the barrel, said: "God bless it to your use, Gretel," and took a healthy swig. "Wine goes with wine," she said, "and never should they part" and took a healthier swig. Then she went upstairs, put the chickens back on the fire, brushed them with butter, and gave the spit a few ively turns. But the chickens smelled so good that she thought.
"Maybe they're not seasoned quite right, I'd better taste them." Sie touched her fingers to one, licked them, and cried out: "Oh, how delicious these chickens are! It's a crying shame not to eat them this minute She went to the window to see if the master and his guest were coming, but there was no one in sight. She went back to the Wickens and thought: "That wing is burning. There's only one way costop it." So she cut the wing off and ate it. It hit the spot, and when she had finished she thought: "TIl have to take the other one off too, or the master will see that something's missing." After doing away with the two wings, she went back to the window to look for her mas-ter. No master in sight, so then she had an idea. "How do I know?
Maybe they're not coming. Maybe they've stopped at a tavern." She gave herself a poke: "Come on, Gretel. Don't be a spoilsport. One has Been cut into; have another drink and finish it up. Once it's gone, you won't have anything to worry about. Why waste God's blessings?" Again she hopped down to the cellar, took a good stiff drink, and polished off the one chicken with joy in her heart. When one chicken was gone and there was still no sign of the master, Gretel looked at the other and said: "Where the one is, there the other should be. Chickens go in pairs, and what's good enough for one is good enough for the other. And besides, another drink won't hurt me any." Whereupon she took an enormous drink and started the second chicken on its way to rejoin the first.
She was still eating lustily when her master came along and called out: "Quick, Gretel. Our guest will be here in a minute." "Oh, yes, sir," said Gretel. "T'll serve you in a jiffy." The master looked in to make sure the table was properly set, took his big carving knife, and began to sharpen it in the pantry. The guest was a well-bred man.
When he got to the house, he knocked softly. Gretel hurried to the door and looked out. When she saw the guest, she put her finger to her lips and said: "Sh-sh! Quick, go away! If my master catches you, you're done for. Do you know why he invited you to dinner? Because he wants to cut your ears off. Listen! That's him sharpening his knife!" The guest heard the master whetting his knife and ran down the steps as fast as his legs could carry him. But Gretel wasn't through yet. She ran screaming to her master: "A fine guest you brought into the house!" she cried. "Why, what's the matter, Gretel? What do you mean?" "I mean," she said, "that just as I was getting ready to serve up the chickens he grabbed them and ran away with them."
"That's a fine way to behave," said the master, grieved at the loss of his fine chickens. "If he'd only left me one of them! Then at least I'd have something to eat." "Stop! Stop!" he shouted, but the guest pretended not to hear. So still holding his knife the master ran after him, cryinh out: "Just one! Just one!" meaning that the guest should leave him one chicken and not take both. But the guest thought the master had decided to content himself with one ear, and seeing that he wanted to take both his ears home with him, he ran as if someone had made a fire under his feet.