Suicidal!Reader

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Tw: suicide, Overdose, mentions of self-harm (cutting and burning)

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Tw: suicide, Overdose, mentions of self-harm (cutting and burning)


I never could quite understand why I felt this way. Perhaps my childhood, Friends, Life, Stress. No matter the case. I knew I was suicidal. I, for a while, had this undying urge to not be alive anymore. It was a though that seemed to never go away, even when I thought that it did. When I was upset, I wanted to kill myself. Even if it was just over the most insignificant things. Every tiny problem made me no longer want to be here. It was so much in my mind. I mean, every thought all at once. The constant need, want to not be here. But I was too afraid to do it. Well... Mostly. There was one-way I'd considered. Overdosing. I knew the chances of it not working, but I still wanted to risk it. Because at the same time, there was a chance of it succeeding. It was so draining to feel this way, but at least I knew there was way out. I felt guilty knowing if I did it right now, I'd never see Anne or Sasha again, I'd never see them escape and save Amphibia. I'd never see Marcy again. I'd only ever see Darcy. As much as I loved her, it felt... Wrong. I knew they were pretty much Marcy, just eviler. But despite that, It's not Them. As much as I missed my life, it was one of the reasons I didn't want to be here. 


I walked to the bathroom. My mind was blurry. I didn't know what I was doing. It was almost like I was watching myself outside of my body. I began to breath heavily as I opened the medicine cabinet. My hands shook. My mouth was dry. I felt my fingertips tingling. I saw myself reach for the first bottle, then the next, then the next, and so on. I saw myself dump them out. I saw myself fill up a cup. I saw myself take as many pills as I could. I saw black. I had blacked out. 


I awoke in Marcy's bed. I felt bandages around my wrists and thighs. I felt a horrible sick feeling in my stomach, My throat. I felt so, so very sick. My head was throbbing. I groaned, trying to sit up. I felt a hand go to my chest, laying me back down. My vision began to unblur. I saw Darcy. They had a worried expression. They looked to have been crying.

"Why?"  That was the first thing they said to me. I stared blankly at them. I had expected that question if it failed, but I never assessed on what I would say. I felt tears well up in my eyes. They fell. They wouldn't stop falling. Their arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly. They spoke but I couldn't hear them. I realized; they knew I was suicidal. How? They couldn't have known. Even if Marcy had known... Did Marcy know...? I cried into their arms. God I was so pathetic. My life felt so futile. I felt futile. Yet I felt the weight on my chest release. I couldn't help but feel ever so slightly... better...


Maybe it does get better.


Maybe I'm going to be okay.

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