John Lennon cheeto sells for $1M

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by monkeetoenails

by monkeetoenails

Hello again. My name is still John Lennon and I still have a diary so I decided to write in it once more.

Another crazy day for ole Lenny. The paparazzi just wouldn't leave me alone so for the past couple of weeks I've had to live out in my gran's old bomb shelter and eat nothing but stale cheetos. My fingers are permanently orange now and I've developed a strange case of lactose intolerance, which is actually a plus because it's helped me with my laxative addiction as I've been diarrheaing just as much without taking any pills. I think i should note though, my shit is completely orange now and it smells like kitty litter.

Today I decided to come out of the bomb shelter and to my surprise there were no paparazzi. Turns out I had originally been frightened by the flashing of my mother's strobe light she uses for her swinger parties, and had gone into hiding for no reason at all. When I cam back into the house, my mother hadn't even realized i'd been gone, and was sitting with my stepdad in the kitchen eating raw celery. She didn't even look up when I came in so I had to make several dying animal noises in order to get her attention.

Needless to say, mother was furious and my stepfather yelled at me for getting cheeto dust on the carpet. I don't even want to imagine what gran will say when she finds that her shelter has been littered with chip bags and piles of orange poo. No one ever gives and orange-colored crap about me! Except for you diary, all sweetly tucked away under my bed and on top of my porn collection. You may have some stray semen on you, but crusty or not you always have my back.

So that was my awesome day!

love, Johnny Boy