Mattheo Riddle - Born to die

Chapter 49: Without you

"She was pregnant." Mattheo's jaw drops, and he stares at Madame Pomfrey in shock and disbelief. He can't process what he just heard. "No... no.. no, " he mumbles to himself while his mind races."This can't be real. She would've told me, " But a part of him already knew that this was true."How.. Why?.. Why would she -" Mattheo's words turn into a desperate whisper?"Why did she hide it from me..?" he closes his eyes, and tears run over his cheeks.
"I think she wanted to tell you. But maybe she didn't find the right time. " She takes a deep breath and says,"But I can tell you.. she was not scared, she was happy and she was proud to carry your child. " Mattheo listens to her and tries to process everything. His heart is broken, and he is filled with grief and guilt. He has no idea what to say or how to react. "She was happy...?" he asks in a whisper. "Yes, she was. It was a surprise. But she smiled and she told me that she couldn't wait to tell you." She takes another deep breath and sighs."She just didn't have the chance too, "
Mattheo's heart breaks even more as he hears the words of Madame Pomfrey. He feels so guilty for her not being able to tell him. He starts crying, and he feels so lost. He doesn't know how to live without Michelle. What is the point in living anymore? "I failed her... I failed her..." he whispers as he looks at Michelle's lifeless body.
Madame Pomfrey has to leave now, and Mattheo sits beside Michelles body now. He can't believe it. "I could have been a dad.." he cries in his hands as he sits down he takes Michelle's hand, and he holds it while crying."I am so sorry... I am so so sorry.." he whispers as he kisses her forehead."I can't live without you..." he stares into nothing. His mind is filled with thoughts about what could've been. All the memories of Michelle and all their time together flashes before his eyes.

A few weeks later. Mattheo is sitting at the black lake. The spot he used to talk to Michelle. He has flowers in his hand. Lillies. There were her favorite ones. He looks at them and thinks about her. He feels so lost without her on his side. Mattheo looks at the water in the distance. All the memories come back. How they used to sit together in this exact place. He closes his eyes as he stares into the water. He remembers her smiling face, her laughter, her smile. Her beautiful blue eyes. And he remembers all the pain he is going through right now. He is so broken and so depressed that he doesn't know how to continue his life without Michelle. He opens his eyes and looks at the water. He stares at his reflection as a single tear runs down his face. He looks at the sky and talks to her. "I know you want to me to live my life and continue. But without you, it just doesn't make sense. Before I met you, I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved you.. As I love you. I still do, and I always will"
The wind starts to blow a little bit harder. Mattheo hugs the bunch of white flowers that he brought. Tears start running down his face as he continues talking, "I just... I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to move on. How to live my life without you. How to exist..." he says with a broken voice as he takes a deep breath."I miss you so much, " he says, almost whispering as he looks up at the sky, staring at the clouds.

Suddenly, Pansy comes over to him, sitting down beside him. Pansy: "The funeral is about to start..are you ready?" He looks at Pansy, and he wipes his tears. He doesn't want to show anyone how sad he is feeling. "Yeah... yeah, I am..." he gets up and takes a deep breath. He looks at the flowers in his hands, and then he looks at the sky one last time before he starts following Pansy.
The funeral was beautiful, at least how beautiful a funeral can be. A lot of people died, and he knows a lot of people grieve like him, but still, he feels alone. Alone with the hurt. Mattheo has this empty void inside him that he doesn't know how to fill. He looks at the people around him, and he sees how hard it's for most of them to handle their emotions. But for some reason, he feels more alone than ever now. He is so heartbroken, and he doesn't know if he will ever be able to move on. He sees Michelle with his mind, and he talks to her in his mind as if she was watching the funeral from above, and he has been praying for her to be there with him.
The people left, and Mattheo stands there alone, looking at the grave. He lays down the Lillies "You loved lillies" he tries to smile while he remembers her "When we first started talking, you were new at Hogwarts and I think, at first you didn't like me but honestly I fell for you instantly" he sighs "and when you started loving me it was.. the purest and most caring love." He starts to cry and tries to find words."I.. I never felt like this with someone. Never someone cared that much for me. And now..I'm alone again. " he falls down on his knees.
Mattheo's eyes are full of tears as he stares at the grave. He looks at the picture of Michelle on her grave. He can almost hear her voice in the wind. He takes a tiny bit of soil, and he lets it run through his fists as he looks at the ground and he closes his eyes. He sighs. "I miss you so god damn much... I don't want to live without you. I don't want to spend another day on earth if you are not by my side..." his voice is breaking with every word he speaks.
"But I have to.. because you gave your life for me. And I promise you now, I will not waste it. " he stands up again, and he takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes, and he looks back at the clouds up in the sky, but he also feels Michelle's presence next to him. He wipes the remaining tears off his face, and he puts his hands in his pockets. He looks at Michelle's grave for one more time before he sighs and starts walking away. "I'm sorry, my love.." A single tear runs down his face as he doesn't want to say goodbye to her, but he feels like he has to.