Lost in the Moment

Chapter 8: Untold

28 September 2018

Today is my birthday. I should thank my brother for arranging that blessful party. It's been years since I didn't celebrate as marrier as today. I think the last big party that I had was on my 8th. Since mom and dad were busy I always celebrate it with Jihoon and just one or two closest friends. But today, with all the friends that Jihoon brought, mom and dad that came back just to celebrate, I feel like a kid again.

I can't believe Jihoon could ask Yedam hyung to sing at my party. I'm very sure if he decided to be an idol he could easily pass. His voice really soothes my ear. I hope we can get close so that I can hear him sing everyday. Maybe I can learn from him too since I love singing.

Emm...Ruto gave me a shirt...well, I guess that's all I can say about him now. It's just awkward to think about him when you know the relationship will never work out ...but know the secret..I still mention him in my wish before I blow out the candle. Silly? yeah..God must be laughing right now. What with this 14 years old boy wishing for his love life? But what more that I can do, that feeling is already there and I need time to brush it away.

"I think what you had been wishing for had come true, Woo. It's just that we are too naive to know it." mumbled Haruto.

15 October 2018

It's been a while right? I thought of stopping making a diary but today I feel like I need to write about it. I don't know why, I think there is something with Junkyu Hyung lately. He is already kind. But lately he has become kinder...I don't know how to describe it. But I felt a bit uncomfortable. The most important, the look that Haruto gives to me whenever Junkyu talks to me..I think he is annoyed. I felt guilty for no reason. Suddenly I felt like I'm a third wheel between those two.

20 October 2018

Junkyu came today. I thought he wanted to play with Jihoon but surprisingly he just wanted to see me. I asked him about Haruto. But his reply made me feel awkward. What happened between those two? Did Haruto confess to him? But, if it is really like that, then why did he seem sad when I mentioned Ruto. Or did they have a fight?

1 January 2019

Happy New Year everyone. Jihoon, Junkyu, Ruto and I went to see fireworks just now. Although it was a great time, I felt something was not right. Both Haruto and Junkyu keep on pulling me to follow them. I don't know why Junkyu keeps on separating me from Haruto, while Haruto obviously tries to separate me from Junkyu. What's wrong with them? I know why Haruto did that, but Junkyu acting like that makes everything worse. Did Junkyu do that because it was the same reason as Haruto? Is he jealous because I walked with Haruto? I can't help it since Jihoon keeps on pulling him. How many times I've tried to let both of them walk together but Jihoon keeps on ruining it. I know Jihoon did that for me. I told him about what had happened. He said I have the right to be happy. Just try harder, he said. Sometimes I felt really thankful toward Jihoon for being a supportive brother. But isn't it wrong to separate two people who love each other?

15 January 2019

Junkyu hyung asked me to accompany him to the book store after school. At first, I suggested Ruto should be with him but he said that Ruto had something to do. I believed it and agreed to go with him. But just now, I had known from Jihoon that it was a lie since Ruto and him had gone back together from school. He said Ruto asked about me and Junkyu. I'm glad that Jihoon knows how to keep a secret. I felt like someone who took someone's belongings. I'm sorry Ruto, if I ever knew that Junkyu hyung was lying, I wouldn't follow him.

18 January 2019

Ruto told me that he will take a leave for one week. Something came up with his relatives in Japan, so they will fly back to Japan tonight. We had lunch together earlier. I don't know if it's just me that feels like he hid something. I'm sure that I didn't hear it wrong. He did mention Junkyu's name but then suddenly fell silent. But when I asked what it was about, he said it was nothing. Does he want to ask about it? About me going out with Junkyu hyung the other day? He must be worried since he will leave for Japan. If I could tell him directly that I will not take his place. I'm not that kind of friend. He shouldn't be worried. I never saw Junkyu like he did. The truth is, since my heart already fills with him. How can I fall for someone else? If ever he could know that...

Haruto inhaled deeply. He remembers those times when he knew that Jeongwoo and Junkyu were together. That time, he was frustrated since they left him behind without informing him. He noticed that Junkyu always asks about his feelings towards Jeongwoo, but he keeps on denying since he doesn't want everything to be awkward between them. Since then, Junkyu always showed interest in Jeongwoo. When they were left alone, all the conversation was full with Jeongwoo this, Jeongwoo that. He got jealous easily since Junkyu was someone that acted freely. He can get close with Jeongwoo easily and seeing him hold Jeongwoo's hand with no problem made him feel envious. While he was too shy to act that way.

(Flashback...)

"Are you interested in Jeongwoo?" Haruto had the courage to ask Junkyu that day.

"If I say yes, what do you think? Since you don't have a feeling toward him, it should be no problem for me to try my luck with him." said Junkyu, being honest.

"Do you like a guy?" Ruto asked for confirmation.

"Maybe....or maybe not. I don't have any experience to compare but I found that Jeongwoo is an interesting guy to be with." told Junkyu with a big smile on his face.

"Why him? Why not Jihoon Hyung, since you two are the same age?" asked Ruto in curiosity.

"Jihoon is also nice to be friends with. But, there is something about Jeongwoo that keeps attracting me towards him. Have you ever felt flustered when being with someone? I only felt it whenever I was with Jeongwoo. I don't know how to describe it. But, whenever we were together my heart felt restless." explained Junkyu excitedly.

"But don't you think he is too young for you? And what if he doesn't like guys?" asked Haruto to try to stop Junkyu from his thoughts.

"I will never know if I didn't try. I will try my best until he falls for me." said Junkyu with laughter.

***************

Haruto almost asked Jeongwoo what he thought about Junkyu at that time. But he was too scared to know the answer. What if the answer might hurt him? He really doesn't want to lose Jeongwoo. He also felt worried if Jeongwoo might get angry about it since he still remembers how annoyed Jeongwoo's face was when Junkyu teased them before.

24 January 2019

I felt so lonely today. I should use this time to sort out my feelings towards Ruto since he wasn't here. But why do I keep thinking about him? Besides, I felt really guilty when Junkyu always asked me to accompany him whenever he wanted to go anywhere. It would be better if Jihoon could follow us around. But lately Jihoon is busy with his club activities. At the same time, I felt my responsibility to take care of him for Ruto.

And Junkyu asked so much about Ruto today. I think he misses him too. He also asked whether I ever thought Ruto was special since I know a lot about him. I also do not realize that if he ever asked. Maybe I always observed him, which makes me know him better. But, no matter how Ruto is special in my heart, I have to deny it. I understand why he asked that. Who won't feel shaken if the other person knows more about your partner.

"Why are all these getting more complicated?" mumble Haruto.

26 January 2019

Ruto is back. He came here just now to hand me some souvenirs that he bought from Japan. I felt dumb thinking about what I had done earlier. I don't know where I get the courage to hug him like that. He might be startled by my actions. Oh God, I miss him. I really want him. What should I do? I feel bad about myself.

"If you ever know because of your actions, it made me so happy that night. I'm glad because I can't do it by myself. I'm the one who feels bad because I was taking advantage of it." mumbled Haruto alone.