Lost in the Moment

Chapter 10: Step Apart

25 Mac 2019

Today we went to celebrate Mashiho's birthday. He is Jihoon's friend. I still remember he was the one that Ruto had a conversation with during Jihoon's birthday before. He is also Japanese. I think Japanese people are really cute. Since all the Japanese people that I saw, their visuals are no joke. Jihoon and Junkyu seem close with him. Because the circle of friends are always the same, we all started to get comfortable with each other. Doyoung and Junghwan also had been invited. Doyoung said he and Mashiho are quite close since their parents work in the same company. Sometimes, I used to think, if not because of Jihoon, will I have all these friends? I'm quite different from Jihoon in terms of personality. Jihoon is a way more easy going and friendly type of person. He easily gets close with anyone. While I'm more introverted. I will be comfortable in a small group of people and will talk when people talk to me first. I'm glad when all Jihoon's friends treat me nicely.

Thinking of these, why is it so hard for me to be like Jihoon? Sometimes I wonder what makes us different? We live in the same surrounding, and have been raised the same way. Why did Jihoon have confidence in everything while I am lacking in that way? I really don't want to be a burden to other people..... However it's not easy for me to change.

"You seemed really down when you wrote this. What happened to you?" murmured Haruto when he noticed how the flow of the writing was quite different than before.

4 April 2019

Today, while walking with Junghwan and Doyoung I saw Ruto and Junkyu were together in a coffee shop. They looked happy. Maybe everything had settled down between those two. Good for Ruto then, since tomorrow is his birthday. I'm supposed to be happy for him but why is it? Why does this heart feel so heavy? Actually today I'm all excited to buy a present for him. But now I felt hesitant to give it to him. But, still not wrong to buy it for a friend isn't it?

By the way..it's midnight already.... Happy Birthday Ruto! May this year be better for you..I love you...my friend...

Haruto walked to his study table and took out the box in which he kept all the things that had memories of them. He searches for a cute card that had a bear on it.

"Congrats Ruto! You've become older for another year. Have a wonderful birthday"

"Tskk...Why didn't you write the same message on this card?"

5 April 2019

Today we all gathered at the park to celebrate Ruto's birthday. Everyone had brought food and drinks and various desserts since Ruto loved sweet things. Seeing Ruto happy with it makes me happy too. Although, I can't confess to him but it's still okay if we can be like this. I don't want to ruin anything. Being with him is enough to make myself happy. As long as we can be together I don't care about anything else. Maybe it's better to hold this one sided love rather than losing it all because of the confession which I know will be rejected. Atleast, I can walk shoulder to shoulder with him.

"I can't believe we thought the same thing, Jeongwoo ya. Because I don't want to lose you I can't bring myself to confess what I truly felt."

6 May 2019

I thought everything had cleared between me and Junkyu but why suddenly I had that confession. Today Junkyu confessed his feelings. Even though I knew it earlier from Jihoon, I still told him to stop joking. It's not even funny. It's impossible for me to be with him. I never had thought to have that relationship with him. He is a nice guy but I never had a feeling for him. I'm not into a guy to begin with. About Ruto, I also didn't know why it had to be him. But, I think Ruto is the only guy that I fall in love with. I said to Junkyu that someone must be waiting for him. I really want to tell him that Ruto likes him. But, at the same time I don't want to. Maybe I'm a bit selfish. I'm not ready to see them together. As long as Ruto still has not confessed to him, I won't let go. But now, how can I face Junkyu again?