Lost in the Moment

Chapter 6: Denial?

Haruto felt more excited to know the whole story in that diary after knowing that Jeongwoo used to have feelings towards him. Besides, reading something that relates to Jeongwoo could ease the longing after that guy left them without contact.

30 April 2018

What a fool of me? Thought it was something special between us. But it turned out to be the craziest dream that was just useless. Why should I be angry when I'm the one who thought recklessly? What can a fourteen year old boy expect from a person who is the same gender as him? He never said that the gift holds a special meaning. That's it. I have to throw away all the thoughts about this couple thing. Fuck!!! even looking at it now makes me angry.

Haruto frowned after reading the words. "What's wrong? What makes you this angry" his mind is busy thinking.

31 April 2018

I purposely used another bag today. Am I acting like a child who was in a tantrum? Ah..I don't care. I'm a child anyway. Seeing the same keychain on Junkyu's bag is enough to make my eyes sore. Besides, Ruto doesn't seem to care whether I wear it or not. He didn't even realize that I used a different bag. Wasn't it clear enough? From now onward I should stop putting on hope. Moreover, this is just crazy to think of it. Why should I fall for a guy? Better get rid of this crazy feeling before it gets worse.

"Ah...I remember I gave Junkyu hyung the same keychain. But, I really bought that while thinking of you, Woo." Haruto felt pain in his heart because he didn't get the chance to explain.

1 May 2018

Not much to tell. We both were quiet today. No..I was the one who was quiet. He talked normally with Junkyu. Something that I can't relate to. Yeah, what to expect? It's better like this anyway. So that I can live a normal life again as I used to before this feeling was there.

"But, I don't like you being like that.." murmured Haruto alone.

2 May 2018

What happened today? I had my answer without even trying. I was right, he didn't feel the same way as I did. Should I thank Junkyu for clearing this up. I can see how annoyed Ruto was when Junkyu teased us. It showed all over his face that he hated it when Junkyu paired us together. He obviously is not interested in that kind of relationship. Even though I had prepared, it still hurts actually.

Haha... what a loser Jeongwoo. You already lose before even trying. Should I stop eating burgers for now? I should avoid everything that relates to him.

"No...that's not it. Ahhh...this is so frustrating." Haruto grumbled on his bed. Although it happened long ago, knowing that Jeongwoo had been hurt by it makes him frustrated. Now, the memory had been played in his mind that brought him back to that day.

(Flashback...)

"Jeongwoo, are you hungry?" He asked Jeongwoo, who walked silently beside him.
"Erm..a bit." replied Jeongwoo.
"Here, I bought this burger earlier, do you want some?" he offered.
"Ah..it's okay, you can eat by yourself." Jeongwoo refused.
"Don't worry, I bought it extra. You can take that one. I got mine." He said while holding another burger in his hand.

He didn't even have time to open the burger that he was holding, when it had suddenly been snatched by Junkyu.
"Wah, it's a burger!!! Thank god. My stomach keeps rumbling since I missed my lunch earlier. Without asking permission, Junkyu put the burger into his mouth.
"But that's mine!" He complained.
"There, you can share with Jeongwoo. Isn't it nice sharing food with the person you like?" teased Junkyu while laughing.
Suddenly he felt his face burning from embarrassment. He saw how Jeongwoo's face changed after Junkyu said that and he can't think enough other than denying it.
"What do you mean? When did I ever say he is the person that I like? Don't speak nonsense. It's so ridiculous." He snapped, and left them in panic. His heart beats crazily and he doesn't want Jeongwoo to notice that. He also doesn't know why he is angry. Maybe he was just afraid. He was afraid that Jeongwoo would act differently if he knew about his feelings that started developing towards him. What if they lose their friendship which they start to build?

He sat alone on the swing at the playground. Jeongwoo's reaction earlier still lingered in his mind. The shock that clearly shows on Jeongwoo's face makes him even worried. He doesn't want Jeongwoo to start to doubt everything that he did for him. Besides, he was still confused with his own feelings. Is he really falling for Jeongwoo or is it just because he felt comfortable being with someone who is the same age as him? They just know each other but Jeongwoo really left a good impression on him. "How can I face him after this? Junkyu, that jerk." murmured Haruto while facepalm.
"Yah Haruto!!" He brings his face up to look at the person who is calling his name. It was him, Park Jeongwoo. Their eyes met with each other but there was no word that could be heard. Jeongwoo sat on the other side of the swing. A few minutes passed, they were only hovered with silence.
"Ruto..."
"I'm sorry, I hope you will not take seriously what Junkyu was saying earlier. It was just ridiculous things to say when we obviously are guys. I hope it won't make you feel uncomfortable." he tries to explain before Jeongwoo has a wrong thought about him.
"Really?" Jeongwoo asked, the hesitation still showing on his face.
"Erm..don't worry. There is no such thing." he tries to smile.
"If you say so, I should feel rest assured, right?" Jeongwoo flashes his wide smile.

**********************
"If I knew your feelings back then, I'd gladly confess to you, Woo. If I knew my answer had hurt you, I'd rather told you the truth about how I felt about you that time. I should listen to you before simply cutting you off like that. Now, I know I don't have that chance anymore."

5 May 2018

As I said before, this place is where all the good looking guys get together. Kim Doyoung and So Junghwan, the newcomers and we got to know each other at the park today. Looking at them makes me feel quite embarrassed about my look. Junkyu, Haruto, Kim Doyoung and So Junghwan, all four of them pass to be prince charming characters. I'm not even competing with them, but already felt insecure. Jihoon said I looked uglier when sitting with them. That jerk, like he came out from a different tummy...

Haruto shoved his head, "Why are you always insecure about your look? There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful, atleast to my eyes." mumbling Haruto alone.