for the betterment of us

once and for all

Once and for all, I want to escape this curse
Of being hopeless, catching breath, frozen in thin air
I want to effortlessly make efforts that people will appreciate
For once and for all, I want to not please people
To be someone known for goodness, not mistakes

If I were to change time
If I were to change my mind
If I were to make the moments right
I would helplessly come back to someone
Who will always remind me of the beauty
In every step, in every breath, and in every look in the eye
And I'll always search for a path, even if it's gone

To be someone who's appreciated as a whole, not just for their doings
Not just for your fulfillment, not just for your enjoyment
I shouldn't expect much, but I do
For people I always love, chances always move
If it's hard for them, it's worse for me to please
To help, even if I don't want to give
All I wanted was to receive

I shall not give all to someone with everything being wasted
To do anything but love a person who'll hurt your feelings
If I had to, I'd choose not to feel a single thing
To be blessed or to be cursed, something is right or something is wrong
I want to be loved, once and for all

— I wrote this during school, when I felt all the hardest feelings I could possibly feel. It was the most painful poem of mine, as the emotions were raw. I exerted countless efforts not to break while writing this. Although the pain was present, I saw the beauty of it, and that's why I love it.