Let You Love Me

16

It's three days after the heat wore off and I was back to normal. Since I had my heat early, my heat cycle has now adjusted to this as it was altered by the drug. Luckily, my scent did not change and I am not pregnant. There is one slight change to my life now though, I was now mated to Lan Xichen. I am sure one day we would have been mated but it would have been nice if it was more out of love than out of this situation. I want to love him, and I now had to learn to accept him. We did not go through the traditional ceremony but we are now technically married. I'm sure there will be an official ceremony to celebrate this but I'm not sure if I am ready for that.

Right now, I was so exhausted, and I could barely move a limb. I am normally fine post-heat but this time, I had been sated and had been going for three days straight with Xichen. That man was amazing in bed. It was not only my first time but his first time but he went as if he was a natural at it. I lost count with how many times he knotted me, but I was too dazed by the pleasure to care to count.

I tried to move but I could barely lift an arm. I was laying on my back so after opening my eyes, Xichen was still laying beside me, but he was watching me sleep...not creepy at all right?

"I can barely move," I told him, "is this normal?"

"Normally," he said, "I already have a hot bath prepared for you. I was just waiting on you to wake. I didn't want to wake you. You are cute when you are asleep."

"Am I not cute when I'm awake?" I asked playfully.

Xichen grinned, "you're cute when you're awake, but when you are asleep, you are so docile."

"If I could move, I'd smack you," I told him.

He chuckled, "see, you aren't as docile when you are awake."

"You sometimes make it difficult to be docile," I told him. I paused for a moment and looked at him, "I am sorry that this happened. I am sure that one day we would end up like this but I didn't expect it to be this soon."

Lan Xichen brushed some hair from my face and rested his hand on my cheek, "I am the one who should be apologizing to you. This is the third time in my territory and this happened to you. I am glad to have you as mine but I was hoping to claim you under better circumstances. For what it's worth, I am glad I have you. The person who drugged you has been locked up and is waiting to be questioned further."

"Can I be there to question them?" I asked.

"As my Luna, you are allowed to be anywhere I am, that is the perks of being with me, you have the same authority and privileges as I do. Anyone who tries to do anything like this again will be punished worse than ever. Now that you are officially mine, I am going to make sure you are safe with me," he told me.

I nodded, "can you help me sit up?" I asked. He sat up and carefully helped me up. I ended up leaning against him for support but I didn't care, "so I will be staying here?"

"If you want to go back to your original home every so often, you can," he said, "but this is your new home. I'm not going to keep you away from your mom."

I nodded, "so do I move in with you then?" I asked.

"Can you handle that?" He asked.

I growled, "are you wanting to test me on that?" I asked.

"No," he said, "the way you killed that one alpha back at your old village, I am not wanting to test you."

I giggled and sighed, "I told you they were my brothers right?"

"Mnn," he nodded, "they may have had the same birth parents as you but they are not considered your brothers. No brother will want to kill their sibling. Not unless they were brainwashed like they have. You have a new brother now though. You have Wangji as a brother and Wuxian as an in-law."

"Who is also my nephew as I was adopted by Baoshan which makes his mother my sister," I told him.

Lan Xichen blinked at that knowledge, "right," he said, "that is a very complicated relationship dynamic."

I scoffed and shook my head. After a little while of talking, he helped me to the bathroom and into the tub. He and I ended up sharing the bath which was different. I guess I was actually really starting to trust him, maybe that was the bond between us though. After the bath, I was able to move around better. When we were ready, we stepped out to meet with the others.

"Xingyue," Baoshan said as Xichen and I entered the dining hall that morning, "I am glad to see you back on your feet."

I nodded, "Xichen took good care of me."

"And I expect him to continue to," she said and gave him a stern look.

"You have my word," Xichen said.

"After we eat, Xichen told me I can go with him to speak with the person who drugged me," I said.

"I am going to let you two handle it to see how you work together now," Baoshan said, "if you need me though, I am always here for you."

"I know, thank you," I said.

After eating and before going to interrogate the person who drugged me, Xichen and I wanted to go sit down and talk a little more. We wanted to talk about how we wanted to continue with this relationship now that we were mated and bonded. I wanted to have a good relationship with him and I think it's good that we sit down and voice what we want and don't want. He took me to the Hanshi, his house, to speak.

"So, now that we are alone, we can talk," he said, "I think it's best we make some compromises as this is new for us both and we have yet to trust each other."

I nodded, "what is it that you wanted?"

"Well, I want you to be happy, that is what I want most. I want to treat you like an alpha should treat their mate. Love them, cherish them, protect them, and treat them as their first priority. That is what I am telling you now. Especially with this bond I feel like I have had some insight. I am not going to let you keep suffering in this territory as it is now your territory too. I want you to learn to be comfortable with me and come to me when you need me," he explained.

"Okay," I said, "and if I ask you to treat this as if we were a married couple, would you?"

He blinked a couple times to take in my question, "huh?" He asked.

I smiled, "what I mean is, would you be willing to try and be more intimate with me? Treat me as a wife, dot on me, give me a love-like relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship where there is no hugging or kissing or even...well, I don't want to be in a loveless relationship, is what I am trying to say. It's a big ask but it's all I want. I will do what I can to get comfortable here it's just that, I am tired of having to fend for myself and fighting alone. I have Baoshan but she can only do so much for me. I don't want to be a burden to you or anyone else, I just want to feel like I belong somewhere," I told him. I didn't realize I had just spilled out what I really wanted. I had tears in my eyes and I couldn't get myself to look at him, "I'm tired of feeling alone, Xichen. I know you want to love and protect me, but I need your word. I can't do this on my own anymore."

I didn't even noticed Xichen move to sit beside me and pull me to his lap to hold me. His arms were wrapped firmly around me and my face was nuzzled into the crook of his neck. I really just let myself go. I hardly ever let my guard down, not even around Baoshan, but this was the first time I really let my walls crumble. Even if this wasn't under the proper mating conditions, it was as if it was actually a blessing in disguise.

"How long have you fought to keep this wall up over you?" He asked.

"What?" I asked sitting up in his lap and looked at him.

"Seeing you crumble like this, how long have you been holding all this in?" He asked.

I looked away from him, "I'm sorry I did that."

He then lifted my head by the chin to make me look at him, "don't ever apologize to me for breaking down like this. You have been fighting so many people off for so many years. You only let Baoshan get close to you because she is an omega and a mother figure to you. I promise you, as your mate, I am not going to let you suffer like this anymore. We are now bonded and I can feel your pain. I want to understand everything about you. You do not have to tell me everything now, but please when you are ready, come to me."

"Okay," I said and snuggled into him again, with my face back into the crook of his neck.