Let You Love Me

20

I was in my wolf form, Fengmi. She and I were angry and sad at the same time. I went for a run but it did nothing to help me calm down. I was hurt because Xichen and I have been trying for about a month now and I am still not pregnant. I am an omega so it should be fairly easy to get pregnant but I then began to think if maybe me being a runt, it was not possible. I went to the healers a couple times and they say I am completely healthy. I was even so upset that I was about ready to go to my mother for help. I haven't seen her in about a month either so I was just as upset and missed her terribly.

I had returned to the main courtyard but I was still as Fengmi. I couldn't get myself to shift because of how upset I was over this. I felt if I couldn't give Xichen a pup, then I could loose him. I was doing well at hiding my pain from him. He told me that there was no rush and if it happens, it happens. I was still hurting. Xichen was in a pack meeting with Lan Qiren, Wangji, and Wuxian. Wuxian and Wangji's pups were in the room fast asleep. I walked in through the open door and walked over to Xichen.

"Fengmi, why are you out?" He asked me and gently pet me. I whined and crawled onto his lap. Xichen began petting me more but it only did so much. Even as a wolf, I could feel tears forming.

"Xichen-Ge, is she okay? She looks like she is in pain?" Wuxian asked.

Xichen adjusted me in his lap so he could get a better look at my face, "What's wrong, Honey?"

I shook my head and nuzzled into his chest.

"Why don't we call it here for today," Lan Qiren said, "Xichen why don't you take Fengmi home."

Xichen nodded and stood up with me cradled in his arms. He then walked back to the Hanshi and set me down on the bed, "I can feel your upset, sweetheart, please talk to me. Mind-link to me what's wrong."

I am so sorry, Xichen, was all I said.

"Can you please shift back? We need to talk about this," he said, "Why are you apologizing to me?"

Fengmi let me shift. I sat there naked on the bed in front of him. Xichen grabbed some robes for me and helped me dress. Afterwards, I began to cry and curled up in his lap, "Please do not leave me, I am so sorry," I cried.

"I will never leave you, Sweetheart," he assured me, "Why are you so hurt?"

"I just want to have your pup," I said, "we have tried over almost a month and it isn't working. It really hurts."

"Oh, A'Yue," he said holding me closer to him, "it will be okay. Perhaps we are not ready yet is all. I want a pup with you but we do not have to rush it."

"I fear you won't want me anymore if I can't give you a pup," I said, "What if the elders say something about it?"

"They will not," he said, "if you are worried about an heir, Wangji and Wuxian's pups are heirs. Yes, a pack alpha and luna's pup will rule about them but it isn't the end of the world. We can look more into it if you want."

"I want to see my mom, maybe she could help us somehow," I said.

"She will be here tomorrow, actually. It has been a while since you've seen her and she reached out to me saying she wants to visit. We can speak to her about this with her when she is here," he explained, "Just know that I love you very much and it is going to be okay. We will have a pup someday. I promise you."

I nodded and just laid there with him. He held me and comforted me to the best of his abilities. Even after the talk, I was still feeling down but I guess it was nothing I could do about it. I just wished that I could give him this one thing.

Was it because I took contraceptives too often?

Is it because I am considered a runt? My size indicates that I was one, even though I was born before my brothers. Why was I smaller than the average omega. Fengmi and I pondered about all this and we couldn't understand. I have heard about those who can't have pups and I always felt hurt for them. Adopting is good, but having your own flesh and blood was something else. The child was not only a part of you but also your mate. It was the best way to lay a claim to your mate, having a child with them.

The next day, Baoshan, my mother, came to visit. When she sat down with Xichen and me, and already knew something was wrong, "What's wrong, my dear?" She asked, "I can feel your pain just by entering the room."

"Xichen and I have been trying to make a baby for the past month and I still haven't gotten there. The healers say I am healthy and able to conceive but I am still worried something is wrong," I explained as tears started to fall down my face.

"Oh, Sweetie," she said, "it takes time. Sometimes it just takes the right moment to get there. When is your next heat?"

"Two weeks from now," I replied.

"Well, something we can try is giving you a pregnancy enhancing supplement. It might make your heat a bit more intense but it will help you. If this doesn't work then I will look you over again, okay," she told me.

I nodded, "I will try...if you are okay with it," I said to Xichen.

"Of course," he said, "all I want is for you to be happy. You and I will have pups someday. I promise you."

I guess that was the best thing we can do for now. I just hoped that this will work, "this has nothing to do with me being smaller than the average omega, right?" I asked.

"No, runts can get pregnant," she said, "it is a bit more difficult but they can. If that's the case then the supplement will help you. They usually take them to help them with fertility issues. These work almost every time."

"And if it doesn't?" I asked.

"Then you try again," she said, "sometimes when having a baby, it's better to not try, if you understand what I mean. Just enjoy the intimacy and love. Don't think about the product that comes from it. Sometimes that's all that it takes."

I nodded, "thank you, Mom."

"Of course, it hurts to see you like this," she said, "I am also glad that you are trying to find solutions. Just know you are not alone in this."

"I know," I said.