Let You Love Me

29

Being back at Baoshan's with my husband was actually something I really needed. Since the loss of our baby, Xichen and I have been needing to get away from pack duties. Baoshan let us come back with her. Her mountain was very tranquil and it was a place I lived after she found me.

"I haven't shown you around here much, but you also do not come here often," I said to Xichen.

"I think it is something we should fix," he told me, "what do you think?"

I nodded, "I'd like that. Since being here, Fengmi is slowly starting to push forward again. She is still not wanting to come out but slowly."

"Shuoyue is the same," Xichen said taking my hand.

"Let me show you around, that place you found me once, it's my favorite spot," I told him.

"Take me back to it, we can spend some time there," he said.

I nodded and led him through the peach blossom forest following the river. We soon found the spot I hang out at often which is just a stone slab that sits next to the river. Fengmi would lay there because it's almost always in the sun. Some of it has shade but Fengmi loves the sun.

Xichen sat down and had me sit down on his lap. It felt so nice being there with him and his arms around me. I felt safe and secure and I felt I never had to worry about anything, "I have been meaning to ask?" I said quietly.

"You can ask me anything you want," Xichen said and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I never questioned if it bothered you when I called you Huan? It came out when I woke up," I said.

"Nothing about you bothers me," he assured me, "absolutely nothing. And you can call me Huan if you like."

I blushed and rested my head back against his chest and looked up at him, "I love you," I told him, "more than anything."

He rested his lips on my forehead, "I love you too, sweetheart," he said, "how are you feeling?"

"Calm," I said and watched the river flowing slowly through the landscape, "I am still a bit numb to everything still though. When I woke up I wasn't in any physical pain but I was in pain mentally and emotionally. It's a different kind of pain than the pain I was in when we first met."

"I understand," He said, "due to our bond I can feel it."

"Are you okay?" I asked, "you stressed out a lot. You were sick with worry for those ten days."

Xichen placed his face into the crook of my neck. When he did so, I let my pheromones out. He seemed so relaxed but I could sense his worry, "I was so scared. I knew you'd wake, but seeing you asleep for so long drove me crazy. It caused my brain to think the worst. My wolf went mad and almost didn't let any of the healers look over you but I had to hold him back so they could treat you. This bond of ours has grown so much and it's making me feel so much more attached to you."

I turned to face him and wrapped my arms around him, and placed my head into the crook of his neck, "I am sorry I worried you. I think if my body wasn't in shock of losing the baby I would have woken sooner...I still blame myself for it," I said and let tears fall, "I'm so sorry."

"Hey," he said hugging me tighter, "it's not your fault. You wanted to believe your biological mother was safe and not meaning any harm to you. It goes to show that you are willing to give people a chance even if they left you once before...the amount of chances you gave me, I am grateful for. You fought hard to keep me away from you after our first misunderstanding, and It took a lot for me to get through to you...it wasn't ideal but I am grateful that we got together through a forced heat. It was not under the best of circumstances but it was an amazing moment for me. I really got to be with you and really feel your bond connect with me."

"Thank you," I said, "I needed to hear that. I think I fought so hard because I was just tired of being hurt so much but I was scared of the unknown. I knew I'd have to move to a new territory and be around new people who already disapproved of me once because they thought I hurt your niece and nephews. I wanted to forgive you but Fengmi and I felt so betrayed. I wasn't honest about the mating pull but I thought maybe you'd know otherwise."

"I should have known better," Xichen told me, "when Wangji and Wuxian first met, Wuxian only pulled away once because he felt he didn't belong due to him being a hybrid. Wangji never left his side and trusted him immediately. I wanted that with you and I broke your trust the moment something happened. I was deceived and I am still trying to forgive myself for it. You and I have moved on from all that but it still sits with us."

I nodded, "Honestly, I think after that heat I had and the conversation we had, that conversation needed to happen. Maybe a bit sooner but it was a conversation we needed. It made a difference and we started to really trust each other after that. When you told me that I did not have to keep that wall build up all the time, I think I just finally let it completely crumble."

"I am glad you let me in," he said.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck, "me too," I said. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me. He and I needed this time together after what happened. I do not know how long it will take before he and I decide to try again for a baby but I knew we were already headed in a positive direction.