All or Nothing (August Alsina FF)

Chapter 42

I don't know what I was trying to accomplish when I told him that I loved him. He just looked so upset and I didn't want him to be mad at me. After I said it he turned to look at me and his hard expression softened a split second before it was back and he was facing forward. So I gave up and got out of his car and I didn't even make it five steps from his car before he went pulling off down the street. And that was a week and a half ago...

I called the break to get some kind of clarity in my life. I understood where my mom was coming from but what she didn't grasp was that this was my life. She didn't understand, so what if I was young, I might have been naïve but I knew what I wanted and I to be with August. I should have never called this break but in a way I was glad that I did. It took me only a day to come up with that conclusion and before I put it all on the line for August we needed to have a serious talk.

That was easier said then done, I called him Friday afternoon and he didn't pick up and several more times that night but he didn't pick up. I just thought that he was busy but Friday night when he didn't show up to watch us dance I knew I messed up. I figured tha maybe he was mad at me and he had the right to be so I decided to give him some space and I hoped he would call me when he was ready.

I was literally waiting for him to call, like some loser. I even called D and he claimed that August was out of town on so called business but I wasn't stupid. And neither were the girls, even they knew something was up, especially by the way I was moping around. My nightmares were off and on for now and I was thankful for that and it was less problem to worry about.

When I did get a hold of him he answered the phone and there was no enthusiasm in his voice but I was kind of relieved and I even made plans for us to meet that same night. He agreed and then rushed me off the phone like he didn't want to talk to me and that was okay. I mentally prepared myself to tell him everything that night and once I got to the destination I waited, and waited and after thirty minutes of waiting he decided to send me a text talking about something came up. After that night my guilt for calling this break was slowly starting to get replaced with anger.

It's been over two weeks now and yesterday was Friday. I texted him yesterday and asked if he was going to come to watch us dance and his response was 'I'll think about it'. He didn't do much thinking because for the second Friday in a row I was watching and waiting and he was a no show. Even D couldn't lie for him this time. That was the last straw and I felt like he was done with me, that in a way he planned to make this break a permanent one. To make matters worse I feel like I should have never told him I loved him, that in a way that was another reason why he didn't want to see or talk to me. After words I wasn't even in the mood to celebrate I came straight home last night I literally cried myself to sleep.

This morning I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. My throat was sore and my nose was stuffy and overall I planned to stay in bed all day trying not to think about him.

There was a knock on my door and my mom peeked her head in my room before walking in.

"I made you some tea," she smiled and sat it down on my nightstand.

"Thanks," I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now so hope she left my room

"I took the night shift tonight at the hospital and so I don't get off until 4 in the morning. Are you sure your going to be alright, I can stay home if you want me to."

"I'm fine, I just want to sleep."

"Okay," she smiled down at me, "I also made you some soup, you should try to eat something."

I didn't say anything else as she made her way to the door, once she was almost there she sighed and turned around and looked at me, "I know it might not seem like it right now but I love you and I want what's best for you."