Regret Flows (Frerard)

Joyriding

Heads turned as the De Ville rolled through the tree lined downtown streets. Gerard, knowing the attention the car got, wore a small smirk while absorbing the onlookers attention from behind his dark sunglasses. A storm loomed as dark clouds rolled in, bringing a cold breeze and tumbling leaves across the road. Gerard looked out the windshield, gritting his teeth as he saw the buildings in disarray as he passed. He seldom visited this part of town, especially since he stopped drinking. 

The car slowed as it neared Frank's building, and pulled to the curb where Frank was already waiting. With a big smile, Frank tossed the guitar and backpack into the back seat before hopping into the front. "Did you cut your hair?!" Frank shouted excitedly wearing a large smile. 

"Yeah, I just gave it a trim, it was way too long," Gerard responded, running his fingers through his hair, tugging gently at the ends at the nape of his neck. Frank expressed his fondness for the new look as Gerard pulled away from the curb, and chose to keep his eyes on the driver rather than out his window. 

"So, are you going to play guitar for me?" Gerard teased.

"No! I just didn't want to leave it at home in case someone broke in or something.. It the most expensive thing I own..well-" Frank turned his head away from Gerard "I just got fired and stole it.. so.."

Gerard rocked his head back and laughed loudly, startling Frank. He was worried Gerard would think he was pathetic, but this was much better. "That's amazing! Fuck those guys!" Gerard shouted excitedly. Frank laughed too, appreciating the company he was in.

"So, where are we going?" Frank asked, still buzzing from the approval he got from the other. 

"I thought I'd take you somewhere special," the taller replied, but refused to specify. The clouds continued to roll in, leaving the sky dark and ominous over the city. A light drizzle started to appear on the windshield, forcing Gerard to remove his sunglasses. Frank watched as his pale fingers wrapped around the steering wheel, mesmerized by their ability to do something so mundane yet also create such magnificent works of art. Gerard noticed Frank shiver in his seat, wishing he could wrap himself around the smaller to warm him up. "I think I have a spare jacket in the back, if you'd like," he offered.

"No, that's okay," Frank replied, forcing a smile even though he was freezing. "I used to have this really cool fleece lined black denim jacket that I wore every winter..I loved it."

"Maybe we can get you a new one," Gerard suggested, reaching his hand out to Frank's knee, getting a soft smile in return. Frank knew he'd never be able to afford a new one, especially not now that he's unemployed, but he decided not to mention it. 

The Cadillac continued flying down the highway, raindrops exploding against the windshield before being swept away by the wipers. Gerard continued to tease Frank about playing guitar for him, claiming Frank owed him for the coffee and amazing meal, to which Frank suggested a different form of payment. 

Eventually, the car pulled off the highway and onto a small gravel road into the rural countryside. At the end of the road, Frank could see a sort of cobblestone building peaking out from the overgrown foliage around it. Confused, Frank looked over to see if Gerard would tell him where they were. Instead, Gerard parked the car, and climbed out, beckoning Frank to follow him. Frank followed Gerard's lead, tucked his hands into his hoodie pocket and hurried over to his side. The pair walked side by side down a dirt path towards the building as the rain slowed and eventually stopped. 

"I know this is only like, our second date or whatever, but this is one of my favorite places to come to be alone," Gerard explained as the building came into full view. Frank's jaw dropped slightly as it had every other time Gerard amazed him over the last couple days. He crooked his neck back as he stared up at the abandoned cathedral stood before him. There was no door, and a lot of the cobblestone walls had begun to crumble away from age and neglect. Some windows were smashed out, but one giant stained glass window sparkled in the diffused sunlight fighting its way through the clouds. Gerard started up the steps, looking back to assure Frank was still following him. "It feels weird to be here with someone else, but, I don't know...I think you're different."

Frank blushed hearing the other refer to him with such regard. He felt his chest swell and sink into his stomach, excited and scared at the same time about what he was feeling. He admitted to himself earlier when he was alone that he thought Gerard might be worth giving up his solidarity for, no matter how much that scared him. He looked up at the man in front of him, feeling his knees weaken at the way his eyes sparkled in the diffused light.

"Its beautiful.." Frank whispered, lost for words as he spun around to get the full view. Gerard smiled and grabbed Frank's hand, tugging him alongside him down the center aisle. Biting his lip, Frank followed until they reached halfway down the aisle. Gerard laid on his back between the rows of decrepit pews with his hands folded over his stomach, which Frank followed but not without shooting the other a confused look first. 

Above them was a Sistine Chapel like mural, partially ruined by the cathedral's deterioration. Frank let out an earnest gasp for the hundredth time, and felt his hazel eyes soften at the scene. The pair lay side by side in silence, Gerard closing his eyes and thinking while Frank's eyes stayed wide and curiously surveyed the ceiling. Eventually, Gerard spoke in a soft whisper, "I think I like you," he began but paused, unsure how to complete the thought. Frank's breath hitched, anxiously anticipating Gerard's next sentence. "I think I like you, but I'm worried that I'll fuck everything up if I get involved with you." Frank's chest sunk, but tried not to show he was hurt by his words. "I haven't been with anyone since I gave up drinking.. I've established a very particular routine in my life and I know I need to keep that routine to stay sober, and I'm worried that if I bring you into my routine, that I'll slip." Frank opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. "But, fuck me, Frankie, I want you in my life." Gerard rolled his head to the side to face Frank, who kept his wide eyes locked on the ceiling.

A few seconds passed, Frank reminded himself that he wanted to change and to grow, and part of that was to do things outside your comfort zone. He felt his heart pounding in his chest with anxiety, but decided to push through. "I think I like you too," he began, "And to be honest I'm scared of causing you to slip, too." He let out a shaky breath, knowing Gerard was still looking at him. "And I know I have problems with drugs and alcohol and stuff, but truth be told I haven't thought about any of those things when I've been with you... and even when I'm not with you I think about you pretty much constantly, and you make me want to be better." Frank let out another shaky breath, unused to being so emotionally vulnerable in front of others. A single tear streamed down the side of his face which was gently wiped away by Gerard's thumb. "And I never wanted to be in a real relationship with anyone before, because I hate any sort of emotional attachment, but-" Frank paused as he rolled his head to meet Gerard's bright eyes, also brimming with tears, "I want you in my life too, Gerard." 

Gerard grabbed Frank's cheek and pulled him into a deep kiss, only breaking apart when the two began to laugh, tears streaming down their cheeks. Still shuddering from his deep emotional purge, Frank decided now was the time to commit to sober living. He swore he would not endanger Gerard's sobriety with his stupid antics, and therefore had to cut them out entirely. The couple continued to lay on the floor, emotionally defenseless before one another, trusting the other completely. 

Eventually, thunder began to roll in, getting louder as the minutes passed. Gerard rose to his feet before helping Frank up, then pulled him in for a long, slow yet passionate kiss, holding the younger's face in his soft hands. Thunder cracked loudly, as if a warning from God for committing such a sin in a church, yet the two remained completely cut off from their surroundings. Gerard pulled away slowly, smiled widely, and lead Frank back to the car with their fingers intertwined.