ELEANOR . NEGAN

039.

Negan didn't know what to do with himself now that he had options. He thought about using the kitchen, but then he thought about staying on Elle's settee, and then he thought about trying out his bed, but he couldn't because there was no Elle around him to make a joke about it — how about we break in the bed, doll? She wouldn't be impressed.

Or maybe she would. Negan's noticed the way her mannerisms changed towards him, how she wasn't afraid (well she never was) whenever he kissed her soft skin, or make up some ludicrous rouse to try and get her closer.

He's noticed.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Maya squeaked, the front door closing behind her with wide eyes.

When Negan turned to look at the girl, a voice he does recognise, his eyebrows shot up at the new young girl next to her. Two of them? Send me back to the cell. "Afternoon, kiddo."

Maya rolled her eyes but didn't stay wavering around the front door in her own home. She walked into the living room and plopped down on the opposite chair with her friend (Lydia) following behind. "Stop calling me that!"

"You and Elle and your stupid fucking morals." He huffed and crossed his arms over themselves.

"I'm just not a kid anymore."

"Pretty sure you're thirteen still-"

"She's sixteen."

Negan cocked a brow and looked at this girl, she looked new. But scared. But not because of Negan. I know why. "Little Miss. Skinhead..." A raspy chuckle left his lips and the girl, Lydia, froze up. "Nice to meet you."

"Can't say the same."

He rolled his eyes. "So damn sick of everyone saying that."

Maya laughed, "It's because people don't like you."

Negan scoffed at her words. Fucking hell. He can just about handle Elle, he can't handle her carbon copy. "Ellie likes me."

"I know she does." What?! Negan snapped his head her way and instantly she started to laugh. "You're so gross! Just get a backbone and confess. Seeing you pine for her when she's not even here is worse than Aaron trying to make a joke."

Lydia looked confused and Negan went to fill her in but Maya threw the closest thing to her (a book) his way, he caught it per fucking usual. "You know Elle, right?" Lydia shrugged. She knew Elle, the woman who interrogated with harsh words yet also sympathy. "Anyways, she and him have like this clear tension that is unresolved but they're both chicken to do anything about it-"

"Now, wait a damn minute-"

"He's the bad guy in this community, killed a bunch of our people so no one likes him-"

"You killed my people first!"

"So that's why Elle is clearly scared to do anything about it. He on the other hand is just a pussy. I mean, it's clearly clear since even Carol is talking about it! And she's just came back!"

"Kid-"

"Yeah, they have a whole thing, Lyd. It's gross, and sick, and revolting, but he saved her from like frostbite so that's why she's nicer to him now. But I think she's using that as an excuse." Lydia blinked at all the fast-paced information while Negan was sitting there beyond confused. "But she's really scared 'cause he killed one of her mates... you know. Abraham, that was his name. Only spoke to him a couple of times when he used to babysit me when Elle went out with Rosi and Eugene, but they were friends." Maya pointed at Negan, "He killed him."

"Elle is scared of him?"

That's what Negan thought when Maya spoke. Clearly he was wrong. "No, no she's scared that if people see her with the bad guy then they'll think she is- even thought she's so far from being a bad guy! She's, Elle is amazing, you know?"

Lydia blinked again, Negan frowned. Goddamnit. "Where is she?" His gruff voice spoke up.

Maya stood up, meaning Lydia stood up too, and she shrugged. "Took her gun with her, probably doing a patrol." That was all she said before the two friends made their way upstairs.

Negan sat in silence, head in his hands as his thoughts were going faster than the neuron's in his body. Time in his cell made him think a lot. He did feel regret, and he did feel sorrow, but he wasn't sorry. Maybe he should be, but he mentally and physically couldn't be sorry. What he did, what his community did, was to survive. The same way Alexandria survived, and Hilltop, Oceanside, The Kingdom.

If things were different then maybe they'd see that too. But it never was, because all they saw was a man responsible for their people's death. But they didn't see themselves responsible for Negan's people's death.

Shit.

-

Eleanor had the scope of a sniper up to her to scout out the disperse small group of walkers. They were about a half a day away from Alexandria. 10-12 hours maybe. They were slow, staggering, going from one end of the field to the other. She thought it was the Whisperer's... but it couldn't.

It wasn't them.

"What'd ya think?" Someone asked beside her, it was Daryl. He's been trying to get out more but Michonne kept denying him the luxury, saying shit about how he couldn't run out, not now. That wasn't his plan. "Skins?"

Elle shook her head and dropped the gun back over her shoulder. "Don't think so." They were moving weirdly, yes, but there wasn't any full eyes or human skin. They looked deteriorated and ugly. "We should go back, tell Mich and Aaron."

Daryl hummed in response and sheathed his crossbow to his back. The walk back to Alexandria was going to take a while, maybe four hours and that's with a car they left on the road about an hour down. If they stayed on foot then probably would take about 7 hours.

"How's Carol?" Elle needed to ask, she's been meaning to actually. But with Oceanside currently repairing things from the fire and the fact she had to babysit Negan, she never got the time. I need to make the time. "Glad she's back from that boat but uh, she lives in Alexandria and I've barely seen her."

Daryl grunted and rummaged through the pockets of his paint-stained trousers. "Quiet as fuck." He admitted, pulling out two cigarettes and plotting one between his teeth and the other in her hand. "'chonne tryna get her to eat." He shrugged, but there was a sour look on his face. "Not workin'."

Elle frowned sympathetically as she lit the end of her cig. She knew the feeling. Being so lost but so close. It was like walking in a body that isn't even yours, using a brain that only brought you pain. It is tiring. "Should I speak to her?"

Daryl knew why she asked. He looked her way and smiled. A small sheepish one that barely met his eyes but still there. "Yah understand her?"

Maybe. "Been six years since Rick." Elle sighed, "Still struggle to sleep sometimes." Daryl frowned but he didn't say anything, he kept quiet. "Sometimes I forget to eat too... makes me think why I should be the one alive eating and breathing and then they- you know."

"It's not ya fault."

"I know." But it felt like it. It always felt like it was. "Even before this shitshow I had to uh, I saw this kind of death all the time. But I had to work through it, didn't I? Because it was a profession, not a feeling." Elle was biting the corners of her lips and her fingers were fiddling over each other. If Negan was here then he would've kissed them, tell her it was okay. Thank fuck he wasn't. "I never stop thinking about them."

"Never?"

"If I stop thinking then I lose myself. They guard me, a- a physical reminder that if I tip over the edge then all the work I did, all the protection, all the everything was fucking pointless." It was horrifying, she thought. "Otherwise I become the very thing I killed to protect others."

little nose dive into elles life ><

i can't wait to dive more into her backstory, makes me giggle though that it took nearly 40 chapters to bring up

oh well