ELEANOR . NEGAN

116.

Eleanor wasn't remotely conscious when she stared off at the sight in front of her; zoned and perplexed in ways she's been feeling too much in such little time. Her hands were clammy, heart was racing, and she wanted to reach out and help — really, she did — but she couldn't.

She wasn't the only person who's lost someone.

Evident from the crying Maggie who was curled up in Carol's side, clutching her like she was life support and choking down any sobs that tried to push through. They were whispering amongst each other — words of melancholy and equally upsetting stories.

Eleanor wasn't even aware she was here. All she remembered was stopping at the broken down and empty station, stepping out of the jeep and rushing straight to the nearest shelter.

And now she felt bad. She couldn't even be there for a friend. A friend clouded by certain mixed issues and hate but a friend nonetheless.

Pinching her nose and tearing her eyes away, she stared down at her knife instead. The carvings of her name was rutting away now, barely visible but still traceable from the tip of her finger. She wondered how life has got this way. She was sure she wouldn't last this long.

Someone's footsteps clouded her hearing but she kept her face down, hidden by her hair and eyes strained on her knife. It was such a dainty weapon but she caused destruction with it. No person should have that power.

"Hey..."

Elle could feel her heart race faster but anxious as ever, she kept her eyes to her knife.

Nothing else was said but Maggie made her way to sit down next to her, feet dangling off a small concrete ledge as she played with her own fingers.

"How are you?"

Elle forced a gulp and slotted her knife away. "Right as rain." Lie. "I heard about Hershel, and Glenn. I'm sorry but, you know, we'll get them back."

She smiled, not strong and not true but a smile. "I know." She tucked a strand of her short hair behind her ears and cleared her throat. "I heard about Maya and..." she didn't finish her sentence.

Elle tried not to scoff. Now wasn't the time to be petty, or mean at that.

"Negan." She finished for her. "He isn't Voldemort, you can say his name."

Maggie just shrugged. "I just can't get over it. You know? With the shit he's done and the lives he destroyed... it's just—"

Elle sucked in a sigh and ran her palms along her own thighs, trying to find some comfort in herself because she really didn't want this conversation. "Not that crazy." Elle interrupted. "Look, Maggie, I really don't want to have this conversation-"

"No, no... I'm just trying to understand." She gulped. "The worst i've seen you is when he's not there. I- I've never seen that before especially with you."

"The world works in mysterious ways."

"Ellie—"

"Don't call me that."

A silence loomed over the pair. Maggie's heart was tearing and Eleanor kept her eyes strewn to the floor. Maggie had much to say but she was quite sure how to place it.

"Negan calls you Ellie."

She rolled her eyes. "Maggie, seriously, I don't want to talk about this."

"But I think we should." Her accent was coming on thicker the more she spoke. "You left Alexandria for him."

"With him." Elle corrected but Maggie pulled an incredulous look. "It's not the same thing, Maggie. I didn't belong there, not when I left at least."