ELEANOR . NEGAN

029.

When Eleanor woke up from Negan's shoulder, the first thing she felt was comfort. The sickening grasp of guilt and regret never hit her, which of course, made her feel like a vile human being. She wasn't wrong when she said she couldn't handle her emotions because as soon as she was up, she grabbed anything she left behind and bolted out the cell room.

Now, she was walking up and down the streets of Alexandria with Judith, Gracie, RJ and Maya, all playing beneath her feet. Judith felt like the babysitter for RJ, Maya the babysitter for Judith, but of course... Eleanor as the babysitter for the lot of them.

She didn't mind though, as long as she had her eyes on the children then she knew she could protect them. Only wished she could do that for Carl.

Carl.

Eleanor sniffed and shook away the feelings through her hands before she stood up. She couldn't do this. I can't do this. She did it anyway.

"Look after each other, alright? I'll be back."

Maya furrowed her brows, "Where you off to?"

Judith was listening in now while RJ and Gracie stayed focus on the beaten bicycle that Daryl and Elle attempted to fix. "Gonna find Michonne."

With that, the Welsh woman started to make her way down the gravelly roads of Alexandria, her converse scuffing against the ground just like before. She made sure to take the longer route to stay clear of Negan's cell while keeping her hand close to the pistol between her waistband.

"Elle!" Hold on, "Eleanor!"

The fuck? The woman spun around to hear Aaron's voice booming from the gate, seeing the way he waved her done like she was lost in a crowd of football hooligans. Eleanor quickened her pace to the point she was jogging to see what was wrong.

Stopping at the gate, she looked up at Aaron with raised brows. "What's going on?"

"Daryl's at the gate."

She looked at him, incredulous. "Let him fucking in-"

"He's not alone."

So? Elle scoffed and rushed to the guards who usually open and close the gate under Michonne's order, but she couldn't wait. Not now. It's Daryl. Forcibly unlocking the hinge and pulling back the shutters, she staggered at the sight of the people in front of her.

Lydia, Henry, Daryl and- she's familiar.

Cocking an eyebrow, she took a careful step forward and engulfed Daryl in her arms. Maybe it was to support him, maybe it was support for herself. "You alright?" Elle asked urgently. "You look like shit."

Daryl playfully shoved her and she grinned. "Ya look shitter."

"Twat."

"Bitch."

Elle smirked before she pulled away and looked at the group carefully. "What's going on?"

"Henry's hurt." Yeah, no shit. He had a bleeding wound on the side of his leg that seeped into the ripped part of his jeans. "Ya the closest to us."

It was either endure the wrath of Michonne after she finds out Elle gave the order to let them in, or keep them outside and feel even more shit than she already does.

She went with the latter.

-

"We can't trust her." Michonne hissed in hushed voices as she huddled around Aaron, Daryl and Eleanor. "You shouldn't have let her in."

"She's just a kid-"

"She is not a kid."

Michonne and Eleanor were in a battle with their eyes, comical really. The way they went from giggling over Daryl insulting them to a slither of hate because Eleanor let him pass the gates. Of course, it wasn't because of Daryl. But because she let in Lydia.

"Michonne," Elle started. "Contrary to popular belief-"

"Oh, don't get sarky with me!"

Elle stayed silent, but you could tell she was getting angrier by the second. Her clenched fists shaking, her lips tightly shut, eyes narrowing every second or so. Fucksake, she couldn't lash out. Not now. Her emotions were all over the place but she could not lash out.

"Fine." Elle unclenched her fists, took a step back and sighed. "I shouldn't have let them in."

Shouldn't have let them in.

Fuck that.

-

Bang.

A bullet skived through the air, cutting through with a whistle and a high pitch scream as it landed straight in the target of a makeshift wooden range.

Bang.

The birds resting in the trees flew away with loud screeching and gawking as nearby animals scattered from bushes and long grass.

Bang.

Eleanor was going to throw up.

"Wha' the fuck wrong with ya?!" Daryl boomed, rushing to her side as she heaved over and threw the remaining of her guts on the grass. She still had a hold on her pistol, until, of course, Daryl took it off her. "Fucking hell-"

"That's fucking disgusting." Elle groaned, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Fucksake."

"Wha' the matter with ya?" He repeated once again. "Elle-"

"I can't keep doing this."

Daryl's eyebrows furrowed together and he stepped forward, until she took a stride back. "Shit, what's-"

And suddenly, salty tears were falling down her cheeks and her chest kept heaving in and out and Daryl felt stricken in shock at the very place he stood. "I thought- I thought Alexandria was gonna be a place of- shit, I thought this shit was over! No more Governor, no more Wolves, no more fucking Saviours!"

"Ellie..."

"And then... and then Jesus nearly dies. Eugene, Rosita... they nearly die. Because of some freaks in a mask trying to live." Elle was sobbing, and Daryl didn't know what to do. Should he get help? Get Maya? Get Michonne- best not. "I couldn't protect Abraham, I couldn't protect Carl, I couldn't protect- fuck... I couldn't help Rick."

"That's not ya fucking job, Ellie."

It wasn't, but it fucking felt like it. "If I couldn't protect them then how do I protect Maya? Or Judith, fucking RJ? You? Michonne?"

"It's not ya job to!"

"I thought it was over- it needs to be over. I can't lose another person, Daryl. I can't- I can't deal with that shit again." Daryl knew she couldn't. Everyone knew she couldn't. Eleanor was one bad day away from going back to her old routes like when Rick- when he disappeared. The black out drinking, the depression, the slaughter of walkers that are one bite away from killing her. "I can't afford to lose anyone else, Daryl."

"Ya not gonna, Elle."

But that wasn't enough. Because deep down she knew that this whole walker-human shitfest was going to leave her ruined.

yo bro

so this is a filler tehe BUT if i see a single person, i mean a SINGLE person hating on poor elle i will come for you. she isn't a pick me or whayever kr anything like that, she is just hurt!!

if you can't tell yet through the twenty odd chapters then please take more notice... elle is a saviour.

not yk a negan saviour but she is quite literally a saviour or a martyr or any of them fancy words. she wants to save everyone, she needs to save everyone, otherwise she'll blame herself for it.

i just want to make it very clear that elle already holds a bundle of guilt and sorrow and fear that she didn't do enough, so the whole whisperers thing is gonna hit her hard

anyways <3