ELEANOR . NEGAN

018.

MY MERCY PREVAILS...
OVER MY WRATH.

The air felt off on this day. The walkers have slowly dispersed as they got bored, some of them led away with intricate plans. And the sun was shining as bright as it could, not a cloud in the sky - but something was wrong.

It all was too silent.

Eleanor was scared, and felt stuck. Sick to her stomach as she held herself on the sofa. Half on the sanctuary was gone last night, off to fight against Alexandria. Elle spent majority of the night hunched over the toilet.

She was so scared. And it made her mind begin to think. What if she took the chance back at that empty hut? What if she took the knife and killed Negan? What if she never talked back and was still home with her family? With Maya? With Daryl, Carol, and Michonne - Carl and Rick? Little Judith? What if she could look after Maggie and Glenn? Make sure they got the medicine they need for the baby? Surely the Sanctuary has some - maybe she could run away and give it to them.

What if. What it. What if.

What if this never happened?

Eleanor was far from present in her mind. Really she was moving for the sake of moving. Some of the workers were still scared shitless so she tried her hardest to support them. But, from being an outsider. They didn't trust her. No one trusted her. Not anymore at least.

Maybe Negan trusted her.

She thought he did, from how he talked to her when they're alone. The way he said his plans and the outcomes without a care in the world that she was going to blab on and snitch. She knew about Hilltop, and the Kingdom and the fact that Alexandria was able to escape. Thank fuck.

But she knew something was wrong. And it was out of reach. She should be there to prevent it and make sure they were okay, that her family was okay. How could she do that stuck inside the Sanctuary?

She spent the rest of her time sat on-top of a lonely, broken car as she looked out at the distance of stray walkers and the line of dead bodies. People stared at her, freaked out that she was just sat there but she didn't care.

Elle watched every car and van leave and come back. She remembered the exits, the roads they went down. She watched as Simon came back with a truck of guns, and ignored as Negan walked past her to see the success.

He wasn't himself lately. Barely cracked any jokes, barely pissed Elle off. She guessed it was because they were close from losing. That he was having some sort of confidence crisis. Whatever it was, people were noticing.

"Rick is on the radio."

Eleanor's head swung up at his name. Rick? Rick. Her mouth was agape and complete sorrow and confusion filled her body. Why is he on the radio? How is he on the radio? Negan had the same question and snatched the walkie talkie from the Saviour's hand and walked away from the group.

"Negan!" Elle shouted, grabbing his attention. He sighed and slowly walked closer to her. "What's going on?"

"Shut it, Sunshine." He said carelessly.

She rolled her eyes but nevertheless stayed quiet to listen in on the conversation. "Ricky! Look at you, callin' me up. You wanna tell me where you are so we can do this face-to-face?"

Eleanor furrowed her brows at his new found charisma but pushed the thought of Negan to the side as she focused on Rick's voice. It sounded shaky, and broken down. What's going on?

"I want to speak to Eleanor."

Negan let out a deep chuckle, "That's not happening, Rick. You know, I'm goddamn surprised you remembered she was even here."

"Let me talk to her."

Negan smirked. "What's going on, Ricky?"

Eleanor frowned and grasped Negan's forearm to grab his attention. It was a speechless conversation through eyes where all she was saying was let me speak. But Negan was of course, not agreeing.

He took that back ad soon as she saw the shade in her skin pale, her eyes water and her hand drop at Rick's following words.

"Carl's dead."

And oh my, God - the regret that filled Negan head to toe was a horrible feeling and almost foreign to him. This was one of those rare moments he wanted to stop everything and simply sigh.

But Eleanor? Those simples words already made her cry. She didn't care that she was in front of Negan, she didn't care that she had Saviours looking at her like she was some sort of foreign creature from out of space. Her tears was staining her shirt, dropping down on her trousers, running across her pale skin.

"He wrote letters."

Eleanor let out a choked sob. "Carl's dead?"

Negan wanted her to stay quiet, but I guess he didn't have a problem about it right now. He knew what she was like - he knew this was gonna be hard for her.

"Eleanor." There was a small sniffle on the other side. "It's uh, I'm happy to hear your voice." Eleanor wanted to say thank you but she physically couldn't, she couldn't stop crying. "There's letters. He wrote one for you... and one for Negan."

"What did they say?" Negan asked, his gruff voice louder than her sobs that she tried to keep discreet.

"He asked you to stop. He asked me to stop. He asked us... for peace." Carl was always a sweet child, even with his slight tantrums back in Georgia. But he was kind, and strong as shit. Eleanor looked up at him, she did with a lot of the Grimes family. I can't do this. Throughout the shit fest of an apocalypse, death was the darkness that eloped around people and took them away at the worse moments. Especially towards people who didn't deserve it. Carl doesn't deserve this. "But it's too late for that. Even if we wanted a deal now, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna kill you-"

Eleanor shook her head and grabbed the walkie-talkie from Negan's hand, not caring whatsoever the power he had. "How?" Eleanor asked with a shaky sob. "Please, Rick. How?"

"Eleanor,"

She froze up at the tone of his voice and the unsettling sickness began to set in her stomach. It sounded like distrust. Like Rick was wary to say something. I'm gonna throw up. Negan saw her hyperventilating and got closer to her, resting a large hand on her shoulder but she shrugged him off. She can't be around him, not now. Not when Rick is saying her name like that. "Sunshine-"

She shut him up by pushing him away from her. "Please tell me what happened. Was it- fuck was it the Sanctuary?"

"Eleanor, he got bit."

She couldn't do this, I can't do this. She dropped the walkie-talkie and started to silence her sobs with her mouth. How the fuck does she do this? Losing people was an integral part of life, but it doesn't mean it made it any easier. And as Negan watched her with sympathetic frown, she knew she couldn't do it. She pushed past him and made her way back inside.

How?