Snap, Crackle, Pop! (Friends X Male Reader)

The One Where Nana Dies Twice

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.)

Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?

Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?

Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.

Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...

Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?

Chandler: Yes please.

Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-

Chandler: He's a he?

Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.)

Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?

Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...

Chandler: You did?

Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.

Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?

Monica: I did.

Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Y/n: No, but when we were in college, I had a suspicion.

Joey: Not me.

Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.

Chandler: You're kidding! Did you guys tell her I wasn't?

Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...

(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops.)

Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?

Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...

Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?

All: Yeah! Right!

Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!

Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.

All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.

Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.

(Phone rings; Monica gets it)

Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome.

Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, caro mio.

Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.

Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.

Monica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Ross, it's Nana.

[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)