Snap, Crackle, Pop! (Friends X Male Reader)

The One With the Candy Hearts

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Y/n, Joey, and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]

Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.

Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.

Chandler: Any contact?

Ross: She lent me an egg once.

Y/n: It's a start.

Ross: Aw, right.

Woman: Hi, Ross.

Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)

Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—I don't think we need a third...

Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.

Ross: An egg?

Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."

Chandler: I think it's winning.

Ross: I think it's insane.

Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.

(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)

Y/n: Think it'll work?

Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.

[Scene: Central Perk, Y/n, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]

Monica: You can not do this.

Rachel: Do what, do what?

Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.

Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?

Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!

Y/n: Pheobe, you can literally do that any night of the year!

Monica: I know I do.

Y/n: We know, you're not quiet.

Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?

Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.

Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...

Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.

Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...

Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this. Either that or Y/n's coming.

Y/n: What? No way!

Chandler: And why not? If you're at my house, you're gonna contribute.

Y/n: Gotta man the bar today, our schedules just don't line up.

Chandler: Well, couldn't that be any more convenient?

Ross: Hi. She said yes.

Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?