The One With the Breast Milk

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[The Scene opens at Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]

Monica: (entering from her bedroom carrying a present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)

Y/n: I brought some diapers if needed. (Y/n's seen cooking with an apron on)

Carol: Thank you, Y/-

Y/n: (Stern) I did it for Ben, not for you.

Carol: Uh...I figured...

Phoebe: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my God, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?

Susan: Oh, is he hungry already?

Carol: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)

Chandler: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)

Joey: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.

Ross: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?

Chandler: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?

Y/n: Actually, I need that. (Takes) Thanks.

Ross: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.

Joey: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.

Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it.

Y/n: Yeah, be grateful Ben's getting any.

Ross: Uh, what? What does that mean?

Y/n: (turns; facing Ross) Huh? Well, when I was a baby, my biological father stated that he needed most of the milk for himself.

Chandler: You- Even I know that's weird. That's weird, right?

Y/n: (shrugs) I eventually got some from my other, er future, mother. But it's nothing too bad. It's a necessity for most children.

Ross: Y/n's right. If you have any problem with it, or if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.

Joey: (pats Y/n's back) We'll get you that taste one day.

Y/n: Ha, pass! (Hands them plates of pasta)

(The rest go back into the living room)

Ross: Carol?

Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?

Carol: Sure.

Joey: Uh, does it hurt?

Carol: It did at first, but not anymore.

Joey: Chandler?

Chandler: So, uh, how often can you do it?

Carol: As much as he needs.

Joey: Ok, I got one, I got one. Uh, if he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?

Carol: (moving on) Mmmmmn, this pasta sureeeeee is good!

Monica: I gotta say, it's super creamy. What did you change, Y/n?

Y/n: Change?

(Meanwhile, Y/n looks to his side and realizes there's two milk cartons. The one he picked up said Carol's breast milk. He quickly hid it in the fridge.)

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