I can't do this

Isnt It Lovely? All Alone.

NO POV

Lucy holds her head in her hands. " I'm not sure where to go from here we don't know what happened to her we have no clue, she didn't say much last night. And she doesn't know I'm her mum so please don't mention it to her."

Beth stands up and walks over to lucy crouching down in-front of her. "of course we won't Lucy, we are here for all three of you" with that you take beth in for a hug.

Y/N POV

You've just got out the shower and decide to sing, it helps you relax as you know you'll have to go back 'home' today. 'Home' you laugh. You know you'll never find your home. A single tear runs down your face. Before wiping it away You look at yourself in the mirror.

You decide to sing your feelings away ..

"Thought I found a way,
Thought I found a way out,
But you never go away,
So I guess I gotta stay now,
Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here,
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years,
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near."

"omg can you guys here that is that y/n" katie says jumping up from the sofa swaying from side to side like she's a concert.

Lucy puts her head down trying to here the quiet singing voice from upstairs. "wow I would never have guessed she could sing like that" Lucy grins feeling really proud. Leah smiles at Lucy noticing how happy she is. Leah grabs Lucy's hand rubbing the back of it with her thumb to the song. Katie pulls lucy up and walks her towards the stairs where they all go and sit at the bottom of the stares listening.

"Isn't it lovely? All alone,
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone,
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home."

Beth reaches for Lucy's shoulder causing her to face her. " Lucy you can hear the pain in her voice" she says with sad eyes.

"I know I'm so worried, this is all my fault" Lucy says tears brimming her eyes. Leah grabs Lucy's hand once again. "babe she's strong just like her mother we will get through this the three of us I promise"Leah and Lucy are feeling so proud of the girl they could be raising, but slight fear in the back of their minds incase they can't get her back.

"some day I'll make it out of here,
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years,
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear
Isn't it lovely? All alone
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home"

You decide to lie on the bed, soaking up the last minutes of freedom before heading back to the hell hole. Tears run down your face as you think back to all the vile memories you have living with your foster parents praying someone will come and save you.

LUCY POV

You can't help but feel broken. You heard the raw emotion in her voice. Was she hurting? You have no clue, you don't know anything about her. Her voice echos through you mind, it was beautiful and reminded you just of her dad. You get knocked out of your thought by Jordan prodding you in the ribs. "Yes Jordan!" You say sternly.

"wow Lu did you hear her , she's talented so talented. But you can tell she's carrying a lot of trauma with her. The pain in her voice was so sad" she says looking deep into your eyes like she's trying to read your mind.

" what do you thinks going on" katie questions. Your so mad with yourself you don't know what's going on. Maybe she's just a great singer and it was all show. Y/n probably got amazing foster parents who come to think of it are worried sick about her. You look at katie who's still waiting for an answer from you. You breath "I have no clue but it's killing me. She might not open up to me and I'll have to take her home soon because her parents will be worried sick."

" you don't think they hit her do you" beth questions. This knocks you off your tracks. Shit what if they are. That was your initial though. But you can't think negative right now. Tears start to build up in your eyes. "I was thinking the exact same Beth."you blurt out.

Leah holds your hand comforting comforting you. "babe we can't think of the worst just yet." You know she's right so you just nod your head in response. You hear someone coming down the stairs. As soon as you see y/n your eyes light up until she has a worried expression come across her face.

Y/N POV

As you walk down the stairs you see some of the arsenal players all looking at you. Your breathing hitches, this takes you off guard causing You to freeze up not being able to move. Lucy walks over towards you putting her arms up to hug you, but this makes you flinch. You hunch down to the ground.
Lucy pulls back quickly as you run back up the stairs into the bathroom locking the door. You start to freak out, pacing up and down the bathroom. Not being able to breath panic sets in and you fall to your knees gasping for breath. You hear Lucy running up the stairs.

Knock knock ..... knock knock ....."y/n are you ok. I'm not going to hurt you, please unlock the door I'm here for you." She calls out. "It's lucy if you couldn't tell." You can't move still panting trying to catch your breath. You start counting but nothing works.

Lucy shouts to you ."y/n move away from the door I'm breaking in"within seconds. Lucy does just that. She runs at the door and you hear a bang, the doors fallen down and Lucy falling with it. All the arsenal girls run up the stairs worried as to what's going on.

"Lucy what the hells happened." Leah shouts kinda shocked her girlfriend is currently lay on top of the door that is not long on it's hinges.

You can't focus, your breathing getting worse "I ..... I .... C ... c ..... can't BREATH." You stutter out clutching at your chest. Lucy notices instantly and scoops you up walking you to their bedroom. She holds you tight, it feels so safe, your breathing is still really irregular so she coaches you.

"follow my breath y/n.. in and out, in and out" she places your hand on her heart to give you something to focus on. All the girls are in shock just staring at the two of you. As you begin to feel your breathing be some what normal you start to cry "I'm so sorry Lucy, I don't deserve any of this support this is all my fault and now you've broke your door because of me, I don't have any money but I promise I'll find a way to pay you-"

Lucy cuts you off. "Y/n don't blame yourself for this, I should have warned you the girls were coming over. Now little one why don't we talk about what's going on."

You look at her with fear in your eyes.